Guarded
by Ginny Perry
Summary: A year after N left, Black has lost his sense of direction, and seeks him out of desperation. What will have become of the former king of Team Plasma? Isshushipping, multi-chaptered, YAOI!
1. Chapter 1

Isshushipping, anyone? So, here starts a long-planned epic of an Isshushipping fic. Black/N, post-game realm. This is a collaborative fic (like that Alder/Ghetsis one that is on hold for the time being, sorry!) between Girl-Apart5 and me, Ginny! ARE YOU NOT TOTALLY EXCITED FOR THIS?

I don't want to give away too many details, but yes, there will be sex. Hot, awkward, teenage boy sex. But you'll have to wait a bit for that, because we're not dealing our cards out all at once~

Chapters will be short but plentiful. So, without further ado... OUR FIC. Which has no name yet, because we both suck at titles.

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><p>It had been a year since N left. Black had waited, patiently at first, then growing ever more worried. He had wanted to give N time, time to think, time to recover. He had trusted that N would return. Surely he would. But there was no sign.<p>

He had battled N, battled his father, gained control of the powerful dragon Zekrom. No easy task. And still, after all this time, he had not attempted to gain title of Champion. Black felt a sort of emptiness after N had left, though he'd never admit it. There was no longer that spark of motivation that kept him driven. Instead, he focused more on training. Always training. It kept his mind focused on different things; it kept it from straying too far back into the past.

But lately he could not stop thinking about that boy. N Harmonia. The pure-hearted puppet of a madman that had somehow managed to captivate Black wholly and completely in a matter of months. Was he ever coming back? Was he even alright? A part of Black had to wonder if N might actually try to return to Ghetsis. A lifetime caged inside a windowless room being brainwashed was not easy to put behind you, surely.

At night Black tossed and turned, his imagination rampant with terrible possibilities, the worst of which being... would he ever see N again?

Black set out to find him. He had no hints or clues as to where he might be, but he was determined anyway. It wasn't like it would take much effort on his part. He travelled Unova regularly now; what would it hurt to be more thorough? Not satisfied enough with simply walking along paths, he explored forests barely touched by humans, wandered dark caves, even floated along the oceans hoping to catch a glimpse of the other boy he did not wish to forget. While the travelling was more serene far from the presence of other trainers, the thoughts still plagued him and just made him feel more lonely. Days felt like weeks. He didn't really keep track of the time. Saw no reason in it. The task at hand seemed futile, but that little glimmer of hope pressed him forward. What did it matter how long it took anymore?

During the long hours of searching, Black had taken to combing over each and every encounter he had had with N, hoping to find some clue as to what kind of place he would go to. That was what Black told himself he was doing, at least. Deep down he wanted to make sure he would not forget anything about him. Not the fathomless pools of N's guarded and emotionless eyes, nor the formal smile always fixed beneath them. His soft voice, how quickly words rushed out of his mouth, and even the look of sunlight glinting off his hair. All were committed to memory almost obsessively.

It was not long before Black had to admit to himself that he was in love. Deeply and hopelessly.

He almost wanted to deny it, to ignore those thoughts and just focus on the present. This came up often when Black found himself shivering on a cold night, away from the luxury of warm beds and comforting food. How easy it would've been to just give up and continue with his life as it was. But a life without N seemed so unpromising. Even if he was just infatuated and these feelings past, he knew he would be stuck with some form of regret and a constantly nagging _what if?_ And Black was not one to get over such things. He was headstrong; stubborn, even. He wouldn't allow himself to give up.

So he kept searching. Up mountains, through valleys. He stopped and asked pokemon on his way, hoping that they would be able to communicate something to him. His own pokemon seemed as eager as their trainer to find the boy who could understand their language and who cared for them so dearly. They scoured the skies and the dense forests, using their fine-tuned senses to seek out any trace of the former king or his pokemon companions.

And then one day a loud howl from his Stoutland brought the lonely days to an abrupt end.

Black ran as though he was running for dear life, shouting N's name as he approached the riverbank. He nearly screamed when he caught sight of who he had been searching for all this time.

It was N, waist deep in a gentle stream, his hair and skin damp and dripping. Black quickly noticed all his clothing, undergarments and all, laying along the ground to dry in the sun. And when he realized he was obviously bathing, Black held back a cry of flustered bewilderment. The older boy turned to him, his face shining with a look of innocent curiosity and not a hint of shame.

"Black?"


	2. Chapter 2

Black took in the scene, his mind unable to focus on any one thing for more than a few seconds before moving on to another. N was there. N was alright. N was nude. N was only just deep enough in the river to be decent. N's skin was so pale it almost glowed. He was thin and bony but did not look dangerously malnourished. Around him various wild pokemon were gathered peacefully, and the whole sight looked like it ought to be a surreal painting of some sort.

Once assured that N was in good health, Black was suddenly very aware that N was also very naked and did not seem to care about that at all. Black's eyes moved over his sleek body, torn between wanting to be civil and look away, and needing to drink in every perfect inch. He succumbed to the latter. Rivulets of moisture trickled down over milky skin before joining the river, and Black could not help but notice the faint hint of green curls just beneath the calm surface.

Forcing his eyes back up to N's puzzled face, Black took in a deep breath, the first since bursting into the clearing.

"I found you!"

The green-haired boy flashed him a friendly smile, and with that, Black lost all manners and poise. He jumped into the water, not bothering to remove his clothing or even considering the depth of the water. He waded through quickly as the river threatened to knock him off his feet, water halfway up his chest. Black didn't care. He threw his arms around the naked body he had been practically obsessing over for so long, holding onto him tight.

"Ohh, N, I've missed you so much!" At any other time he probably would've been embarrassed to show such emotion, but feeling the soft skin of his chest pressed against his cheek was enough to throw away any inhibitions.

"Black, it is very nice to see you too," N began, his voice sounding a bit startled. "But... you should probably be careful, jumping into the water like that!"

Black barely heard him. He was listening to beating of N's heart, the rise and fall of his chest with each breath. It was all he could do to keep himself from crying.

"N." He whispered. "I found you. I found you and you're alright."

N stared down at the boy in confusion, hesitantly putting his hand on the other's head. "Yes.. I'm alright. How did you find me here?"

"I went searching... I was really worried about you! I thought I'd never see you again...!" N chuckled nervously; he was not used to this sort of affection, let alone the touch of another person. He had been travelling for so long alone, he had nearly forgotten what it felt like. Still, it was welcomed. N stroked Black's hair lightly in a sort of forced attempt at comforting him. He was still a bit lost as to how to react.

"I left Unova for a while, but I came back. I've just been travelling around with my friends. I've tried to stay away from people for the most part, so I'm actually pretty surprised you found me!"

Giggling lightly, because the rush of emotions were making him quite giddy, Black pulled away and rubbed the wetness from the corners from his eyes. "I looked everywhere for you. I..." Suddenly Black realized he had no idea what to say now, what to do. He had come all this way without any plan at all.

Stepping back, he was about to look down but then remembered that N was naked, and instead looked to the side. "I'm glad you're alright," he mumbled.

N smiled. "You are strange." Reaching out, he grabbed the boy's hand and began pulling him towards the bank. "Let's get you out of this water so your clothes can dry."

Before Black could protest, he was following N out of the river, and felt his face flush a deep red when they approached land. N's backside was now visible and painfully within reach as he dragged him to shore.

And when N began unzipping Black's jacket, completely naked and directly facing him, the younger boy nearly yelped.

Quickly spinning around, Black grabbed the bottom of his shirt and pulled it down over his crotch, where a certain part of his anatomy had begun to rise.

"I-I can do it.. Thanks..." He stammered.

"But.." N tugged lightly on the back of his jacket.

"You should.. put some clothes on, too.."

"I wasn't done with my bath." A thought occurred. "You could come in with me. While your clothes dry."

Black looked back over his shoulder at the perfectly innocent young man, knowing that there really was no hidden meaning to his words. "No... that's okay. It'll be getting dark soon, so we should head somewhere for shelter. I can dry my clothes once we get there."

"That's fine. I usually sleep just down the road; I've got a little camp my friends help me set up! You're welcome to join me, Black, although it might be a bit cramped..."

N casually walked to wear his clothes were laying, slipping into pants that seemed a bit too big for his thin body. Black tried not to stare, but he couldn't help himself. He would not have believed N had been traveling with such pale skin as his, had it not been for a myriad of faint scars that seemed almost painted across his back. N put on his still-damp turtleneck on and picked up his bag and shoes, beginning to walk along the bank towards a hilly valley on the horizon.

Black quickly followed behind, trying but failing to ignore how the wet fabric clung so nicely to N's waist.


	3. Chapter 3

Girrrl and I changed the title because apparently "Thinking of You" was a Katy Perry song. We're not cool enough to be associated with pop culture, so I did the usual pick-a-random-word-and-title-it-accordingly. So, we have "Guarded!" It will become more and more appropriate as the story goes on. Okay, I'll shut up and get on with the third chapter.

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><p>N led Black to a place of thick foliage where a large hollow had been pressed into a mass of vines and tall grass, creating a perfect nest that actually looked fairly comfortable.<p>

Motioning Black inside, N sat down with him and began pulling at his clothes once more. "You really should get out of these, now. Wet clothes are uncomfortable."

"R..right.." Thankfully his arousal had weakened now, so Black was able to strip down to his boxers without feeling too self-conscious. "So how long have you been here?"

"Not long. I wander around quite a bit." N noticed how Black continued to stare at him with an expression he could not decipher and looked away quickly, feeling uncomfortable with the rapt attention he was receiving.

"Black... what is it that you want from me?" he whispered.

"What?"

N met Black's wide eyes firmly. "Why did you come looking for me? Do you wish for me to pay for what I have done?"

Black blinked rapidly. "What? No! I don't think you did anything wrong, N! You had honest, good intentions. It wasn't your fault that you were lied to."

N flinched slightly. "All I wanted..."

Black reached out and put his hand on N's shoulder. "I know. I don't blame you. For any of it. I just wanted to know that you were safe. I... I wanted to see you again."

Blue-green eyes glistened as tears welled up, threatening to spill over onto his cheeks. N rubbed his eyes quickly, sniffling, attempting to hide his emotions from the boy speaking to him. But Black could read him so easily.

"I'm sorry, Black, I didn't mean to accuse you of anything... I just... am not used to being cared about like this. Even my father hasn't come looking for me. He'd have the means, I know he could if he wanted to, but... even _that _hurts..."

Black reached forward and embraced him, pulling him closer than he had before. N fought so hard to keep his emotions in check, but the wetness Black felt on his shoulder proved he was only so strong.

"Stay with me." Black murmured before he could think about what he was saying. "Or I'll stay with you. You don't... you don't deserve to be alone."

"Why...?" N questioned softly. "Why did you have to shatter everything? I could have defeated anyone but you. Why did you have to be stronger than me without having been raised to be a hero? You were just a simple boy!" Before he became too worked up, N took a deep breath. "To tell you the truth, Black... I'm almost glad it was you. In the end, I don't even know if I _wanted_ to be king anymore..."

"Oh, N..." Black closed his eyes. "I'll take responsibility. For crushing your dream and forcing you off your throne. I'll show you that this world is a wonderful place."

N looked down at him, into the eyes that had caught his attention from the very first moment he had seen them. "But why? I have nothing, am worth nothing. What use am I to you?"

"You don't need to have a use, I just want to make you happy." Trying to reason with N really was difficult, even when he wanted to understand. "Just trust me."

N paused before speaking again, contemplating possible consequences of his choices. Something about Black was soothing to him, something he had not felt with another human before. Considering his past hardships and mistrusts, every logical answer to this was to refuse. But that feeling - instincts, he figured - nagged at him to give him a chance. Give those who have hurt you one last final chance to prove their worth. He almost couldn't say no; the bitterness that had begun eating at him was troubling and N did not like his new-found sense of hatred towards people. Even surrounded by pokemon friends, he still felt a pang of loneliness...

"Okay, Black. I trust you."

Grinning happily, Black nodded.

"The sun's really setting, now." He observed as a chill raced up his spine. "I have a blanket we could use.. What's wrong?" As he was pulling the thick fabric out of his backpack, Black noticed that N seemed to be trying to convince his large Darmanitan of something.

Turning back to the trainer, N sighed. "Usually my friends sleep with me in here and we keep each other warm, but.. They say they don't want to do that with you here. I don't really understand their reasons, either."

"Oh.." Black glanced around the various eyes peering at him. "My pokemon could.."

"Yours say the same." N pointed to Black's Stoutland sitting nearby. It obviously was not going to budge from its spot.

More than a little confused, Black shook his head. "Well we have this blanket at least. It should be enough to keep us warm." He was about to toss it over them when he realized how damp N's clothing still was. The thought of sleeping with him while they were both half-naked was enticing, but Black was more concerned about his health.

"N, _you _should take off those wet clothes, too. I don't want to sleep with a wet blanket. Plus, you could catch a cold!"

The green haired boy brought his hands to the edge of his shirt and began lifting, but promptly stopped for a moment. His eyes, still slightly puffy from crying, showed some sort of deep thought processing and emotion Black couldn't quite make out. N released his grip, not breaking his distant eye contact with whatever he was staring at.

"I'm sorry, Black," he said softly, voice barely above a whisper. "I'd... just really like to keep them on. They're not that bad, I promise. It won't get the blanket wet. Please don't worry about it."

Black considered protesting until he realized how tired he had been from the entire ordeal of the day. He shrugged and laid down, tossing the blanket over himself. N slowly reclined, taking his own corner.

"Suit yourself," Black stated as he rolled over on his side. "Good night, N!"

N smiled, although Black could not see it. He too rolled over onto his side, suppressing a chill that threatened to wrack his body. Even with the blanket on, he was still cold. But he was more comfortable this way.

"Good night, Black." The boy had nearly forgotten the last time he had said such a thing to another human.

"Sweet dreams!" the other child said jokingly with a chuckle, although there were hints of sincerity in it. N's smile deepened.

"You too."


	4. Chapter 4

_N felt smothered, his skin at once burning and freezing with fever and cold sweat. His limbs seemed like they had turned to cement, and his head pounded too hard to open his eyes. The foggy world around him swirled and shifted and would not hold still. Distorted thoughts and emotions snaked through his dazed mind, distressing and confusing._

_He was helpless. At the mercy of the cruel, creeping darkness that choked his weak lungs and clawed at his aching flesh. He tried to beg, to scream at all, but his throat was too raw to make a sound. He could not even tell how much of the pain in and around him was nightmare or reality. Lacking the strength to fight, to defend himself, and with nothing but the monstrous shadows themselves to cling to, N reached out into the void, searching for hope._

_No one would save him._

N woke up early the next morning, feeling a distinct pain in his throat as he swallowed. His mind swam in a haze as he awkwardly sat up off the floor. The boy attempted to stand, craving a drink of water from the river, but the blood rush from his head sent him toppling over. N breathed deeply, noting how difficult and tiring it seemed to be. No longer did he have any motivation to stand up once more.

The hobbling and loud thud woke the other sleeping boy, who promptly rolled over to examine the body next to him. When no one was there, Black sat up quickly.

"N? Where did you go?" His voice was a tad panicked, for the darkness before daybreak was still lingering, and he could not see. Worry began settling quickly until he heard a voice squeak back.

"I'm right here..." N's weak voice called. "I'm fine... I just.. I stood up too fast.." He looked up when Black pressed first his wrist and then his cheek against his forehead. "What are you..?"

"N, you have a fever. I _told _you staying in those wet clothes was a bad idea! Come lay back down." Gently, he guided N back to where he had slept, realizing as he did that the other's clothes were still just as damp as last night, now with his own sweat.

"Your shirt is soaked! You really need to put on something dry, N." Not even realizing what he was doing, Black reached down and took the corners of N's top, beginning to lift to help him remove it. He seemed so weak; the gesture was almost automatic. But he soon felt clammy hands grab his wrists, preventing him from moving any more.

"No, n-no, it's okay!" he stammered, suddenly realizing how awkward he had made the situation. N realized that his intentions were nothing but good, but the sudden contact had startled him nearly out of his wits. "I'm sorry... I can get it..."

Black was puzzled but did not question it. He figured the contact scared him... N had been out of contact with humans for over a year now. Still, it was a little hard to bear resisting.

Slowly, the green-haired boy reached down and pulled his dampened turtleneck over his head, sighing as a cool rush of air greeted his chest. Black grabbed his now-dry jacket and wrapped it around his shoulders.

As he got closer, the younger boy noticed faint scars on his chest. Circular patterns, blotches that looked like burns, a few scratches. He chuckled out loud at the almost humorous sight. Figures, the boy who grew up with pokemon would have the battle scars to prove it.

"Geez, N, where did you get these scars?" he asked rhetorically. "I'm not surprised you preached separation between people and pokemon. Look what they did to you!"

N blinked up at Black, then looked down at the various patches of even whiter skin. Touching some of the raised flesh lightly with his finger, N hummed thoughtfully. "It's alright," He murmured, shivering a bit harder now. "They didn't mean to hurt me."

Black smiled slightly, seeing again that almost saintly quality about the boy who had captured his heart. "You should be more concerned about your well-being. This is why I worried about you so much!" He was going to go on, but N was now pushing off his pants and boxers and Black had to quickly look away again.

Taking a deep, steadying breath, he busied himself with putting on his now-dry clothes and grabbing the makings for tea from his backpack. When he turned back around, N was laying beneath the blanket, breathing heavily and looking very weak.

Brushing sweat-soaked hair from N's face, Black spoke gently. "I'm going to get some water for tea, ok? Will you be alright for a little bit?"

N nodded.

"I'll be right back, then. You just rest here." Black got up and started to quickly head back towards the river.

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><p>As he walked, Black's face fell. He of course blamed himself for N's condition. Had he not been so flustered and insisted that they leave the river before N's clothes had dried, this would not have happened.<p>

Although he did suggest that N remove them once they got to the nest, the fact remained that he was the one who caused this. Why _was_ N so nervous about being naked around him now when he had not cared at all back in the river? What difference was there between the two locations, anyway?

N was an enigma. This was a fact which Black had known since the moment he had been approached by the tall, confident boy on that Autumn day nearly two years before. Coming to understand him, learning to read his blank face and see the innocent logic behind his words was something Black truly hoped to have the chance to do.

If he was honest with himself, and in this case he was not sure he wanted to be, a part of him felt more than a little delighted to see N the way he was now, _needing_ Black's care and attention. The blush on his cheeks and the way he breathed did certain things to Black that he would rather not think about at this moment, but even when he managed to force those thoughts away, his mind went right back to remembering N in the river.

Speaking of which... Black crouched down on the river bank where he had found N and filled his canteen with the clear water. It had been an encounter every bit as magical as he could have hoped for, although his fantasies almost certainly would have taken a different turn than simply heading for a place to sleep.

To have lain N down on this soft grass and allowed himself to see every inch of his skin... Black shook his head hard enough to make himself dizzy for a moment. Now was not the time to be heading down that road. N was ill and needed Black to take care of him, not thinking perverted thoughts.

Screwing the lid back on the canteen, Black hurried back up the path.

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><p>As N waited for Black to return, he curled up tightly on his side, attempting to comfort himself against the chills that wracked his body. He realized he was ill, but... a piece of this wasn't caused by sickness. Something was deeply troubling him, and even N himself was struggling to pinpoint it.<p>

Black was caring for him. Never had he experienced this sort of treatment from someone before. He had been sick in the past, to the point where he was sure he was dying, and had never been given more than a pill to lessen his fever by his female caretakers. Seeing the boy seeming so selflessly devoted to him was as perplexing as it was... well, pleasant. It made N feel stronger somehow, perhaps even more confident. But he had been taught that there was a fine line between confidence and arrogance; maybe it was just inflating his self-esteem too much. _Such traits are not befitting a king..._

No, no, he had to stop thinking like that! Even after a year on his own, without ties to Team Plasma, this mentality stuck with him, and his frustration with himself only grew. Even though he somewhat feared people, he found himself wishing he knew how they worked, or even how to think like a typical human being. N had been used by people his whole life, though; why this sudden change of heart?

What... what was Black _doing _to him?

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><p>Returning to N's side, Black set up some of the water to boil and poured a bit more onto a handkerchief which he folded and laid across N's forehead.<p>

"Here, drink some." Helping N to sit up, Black handed him the canteen. "How are you doing? Are you hungry?"

N shook his head slightly, his hunger pangs masked by the nervous nausea in his stomach. Black sighed and removed a package from his bag.

"Come on, at least a little something. You gotta stay strong! Here, have one of these rolls. They have sweet jelly in the center. It shouldn't be too harsh on your stomach." As he handed the roll to the green-haired boy, Black smiled. "My mom made me these before I left home a while back. They might be kind of stale but they're my favorite!"

N slowly took the roll and bit into it. His eyes lit up. "It's good!"

Black chuckled. "Delicious, right? You can't find better jelly rolls anywhere."

"Your mother makes these for you..?" N tilted his head to the side like a bird.

"Yeah. Come to think, I should probably find a place with reception soon so I can call her. It's been a while since the last time. I hope she's not worried.." Black poured the hot water into a mug and added some tea leaves from a tin.

"She worries..?" He just barely caught N's murmur.

Chewing his lip, Black wondered what was going through N's mind. "Yes."

"She loves you, then? Is that what that means?" There was such confusion in his eyes. He honestly did not know the answer.

Black nodded. "Yeah," he spoke gently. "She worries about me because she loves me. N... What about your mother?"

N swallowed the last of the roll and relaxed against the soft bed of leaves and grass. "I never really knew my mother."

Black mentally kicked himself. He should've realized there was something amiss the moment he began asking such strange questions. But there was not much sorrow in N's voice, as far as he could detect. He almost sounded disappointed. "I'm sorry, N..."

"It's fine. I have a few vague memories of her... I can't remember anything she said to me, but her voice was so calm. I don't even recall what she looked like, but... she was always smiling. The last time I remember being with her was after a bath, when she wrapped me in a big towel and put her arms around me. She was so warm, and smelled so nice..." The sick boy sighed. "One day, she just... disappeared. I never saw her again. I asked Ghetsis about it, but he refused to answer, and threatened to punish me if I asked again, so... I never asked again, but..."

Black didn't know what to say. N was rambling, as he did when he was stressed or nervous or confused. He felt it was best for him to just let him continue. His voice had begun wavering, and he didn't want him to hold back.

"I waited for her to come back. Every day, I waited. I don't even know how long I did, but I waited for my mother to come back, and thought about her whenever I took a bath or went to bed or ate my dinners, because even though I didn't really remember any details about her, I just... I don't know, I missed her! I don't know why, but I liked it when she embraced me and when she'd sometimes tuck me in at night, or sat down with me while I ate... and it doesn't even make sense because I can't even remember what she _looks _like!"

N brought trembling hands to his face to hide himself from Black. He was tearing up again, and the shame from it had only made it worse. He felt so stupid, babbling about a person he barely remembered!

"Even now, I think about her sometimes. I just wonder what happened to her, if she'll ever come back or find me. Is that foolish, Black?"

"No, not at all, N!" He reassured passionately. "You still love your mother, even after all this time. And I'm sure she loved you, too." Seeing the emotion in N's eyes, Black could not help but smile. It was not that N was defective, or that he did not have a human heart; he just had no experience feeling the things normal people grew up with, and what he did feel he had no words for, no matter how smart he was. Black wondered if he himself was strange for finding that quality so very endearing.

"Love.." N murmured. "I don't understand."

Black paused, scratching his head unconsciously. This was quite a predicament, almost a _daunting _one. If he ever wanted something deeper than friendship between the two of them, it would certainly pose a challenge. Falling in love with a boy who didn't even know the meaning of the word.

Maybe, he'd be able to show him.

"Yeah, love is a hard thing to explain, really. It's one of those things you just... know. It just feels right."

N pondered what he said for a moment. That sort of explanation confused him; he guessed it was just an "instinctual" feeling. It was difficult for him to grasp such things, regardless. Besides his mother's care, he had never really felt what Black described as "love." Caring, longing, concern.

It was... very different from the other ways he had interpreted uses of the word in the past...

"I see." He whispered at last.

Black took the wet handkerchief from his forehead and soaked it in fresh water before putting it back on. "Drink this tea, alright? Do you have a sore throat?"

"A little." N admitted as Black sat him up again and then situated himself at his back to give him something to lean against. "I apologize for being so weak. I'm still not much used to the outdoors."

"Don't apologize. It's my fault, if anything. I should have insisted you get out of those wet clothes. _I'm_ sorry."

N downed half the cup in one go, obviously dehydrated. Letting Black take the mug back from his weak hands, he shook his head. "No... a king needs to be resilient. A king... a king is not what I am.. I never was.." N buried his face in his hands. "I can't save anyone. I can't be perfect. I cannot even understand a human emotion. Why do I still exist without a purpose?"

Alarmed at the sob that wracked his fragile body, Black quickly moved around and pulled away N's hands. "Don't think like that! You have a purpose! You can still save the pokemon who are suffering! You can learn about love! And I..! I think you are already perfect.." He looked away, feeling embarrassed to have blurted out his feelings like that.

When he received no reply, however, he glanced back to see N smiling at him tearfully. "You're still the one... I understand the least..." His eyelids were sliding shut, voice drifting away as he began to fall asleep. "Thank you for finding me."

Relieved, Black laid N back down. "Just rest, and don't worry about anything. I'll be here if you need me."

Taking one last thought of their conversation before he drifted off, N still felt slightly at unease about their talks of "love." The fact he still couldn't grasp it was nearly killing his brain that knew so little about anything but logistics and reason. But he then remembered how caring Black had been this whole time, and a wave of comfort rushed over him. It was a feeling he had not felt in so long.

And then, with that sense of soothing, he fell into a restful sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Black watched N sleep for a long while, wondering just what they should do once he regained his health. Return to civilization? Keep traveling through the wilderness? Now that his main concern of finding N was no longer an issue, he ought to focus on training again, but the strongly opinionated former king would certainly make that difficult.

These thoughts swirled through his head until at last N's fever broke and he stirred.

"Any better?" Black asked him as blue-green eyes opened.

N yawned and stretched. "Yes. My fevers never last for very long."

"You get them often?"

"My body is not very strong." Sitting up, N ran his fingers through his hair and grimaced. "I'm so sweaty... I want to take a bath."

"Uh... UH...!" Black spun to face another way as N stood up, letting the blanket fall away from his naked form. "Do... Do you feel up to it?"

N swayed a little, but was able to stand. "I did not get to finish my bath before. I'm not doing anything until I am clean."

"Sorry... Uh, here! Take some clothes with you!" Black grabbed his jacket and thrust it at N, who looked as though he intended to go to the river nude.

"This is too small. And my clothes are dirty again."

Rummaging around in his backpack, Black found a towel and handed it to N. "Here, use that, then. I'll come with you and wash your clothes, ok?" If he had to glimpse N's body like this any more than necessary...

"You take a bath too, then."

"What?"

N scrutinized him. "Your hair is a mess. There's dirt smudges on your face."

"..Oh."

Nodding as if everything was decided, N headed off to the river, Black following behind. Once there, N headed into the cool, clear water while Black tried to keep himself busy scrubbing his clothes by the bank.

"Aren't you coming in?" N asked as he reemerged from beneath the surface.

"Um.." Once again N was blissfully unaware of social propriety, and Black was left with his pants uncomfortably tight. Kicking off his shoes, he waded into the water and quickly disrobed once he was waist-deep. Tossing his wet clothes onto the rocks to dry in the sun along with N's, he stood there once again wondering what he should be doing with himself.

The younger boy idly scrubbed at his skin, having trouble keeping his eyes off N as he dedicatedly washed himself. The efficient way his hands moved across milky skin, long hair clinging to his graceful back, beads of moisture making him shine in the sunlight. Black wanted to put his arms around that delicate, slender body, to bring them together in pure intimacy. He wanted to trace each droplet of water as it slid down N's chest, to taste and touch and treasure.

"Black?" he heard N's voice say softly. As Black turned, he was met with a face full of water. The boy cried out in surprise, a little frightened until he saw N's slight smile.

"Hey! What was that for?" N's grin widened.

"You missed the dirt on your face," he chuckled. Was N really acting this way? It was so unexpected of him... but very welcomed.

"Yeah, well... you aren't doing such a good job, either!" With that, Black tackled the other boy, and he fell back onto his bottom. N screamed (almost like a girl, Black mused, humored) at the sudden contact. But after he landed, the boy began to giggle, and Black couldn't help but laugh with him.

More of that fascinating contradiction. Serious, distant, childish, wise, innocent.. N was all of these things and more. Wiping the water from his face, Black grinned down at his laughing companion. He had never seen so much honest emotion on that flawless face, and if possible it made him even more beautiful.

Still caught up in his fit of giggles, N reached up and grasped Black's hand, pulling the unsuspecting boy down to kneel over him. "I've never had fun with a human before," he confessed, smiling brightly. With a second glance, N noticed that Black's face had gone quite red, and wide brown eyes stared at him with yet another emotion he could not name.

Concerned, N mimicked Black's earlier move of pressing his cheek to the other's forehead. "Are you getting ill too, now?"

Black certainly felt dizzy. They were so close like this, so close and naked, with just a few inches of water between them. Now N's soft cheek was on his skin, and he could see the slope of his neck. Placing his hands on N's shoulders, Black pushed him away slowly.

"No, I'm fine. I just..." He looked at N's inquisitive face, his eyes still bright and unguarded from his laughter. Before he realized what he was doing, Black leaned forward.

"Black..?" N's question was swallowed when the boy suddenly kissed him.

It only lasted a few moments before Black pulled himself away; a piece of him knew he should've regretted what had occurred, but guiltily enough, the fluttering feeling in his chest was enough for him to ignore all logic. There was no reciprocation, but N had not pulled away, and the thrill of kissing the lips that were just as soft as he had imagined was enough to send him a rushing high of abandoned loving and need.

That is, until he stepped back and saw N's body trembling.

Black didn't say anything for a moment, watching the boy closely to gauge his reaction. As a quaking hand was brought up to his own mouth, N's eyes began to glass over and water, showing no requited sparks of interest or longing.

No, Black was quite sure that the look in N's eyes was nothing but confusion and... terror.

"I..." the green-haired boy managed to squeak through a quivering mouth still covered by his hand. "I don't... I don't understand, you... what do you... do you... _hate _me, Black...?" With the utterance of that word, a tear fell down a reddening cheek.

Black's jaw dropped. "What? N, why would you... What are you talking about? I don't hate you at all! Why are you... all of a sudden..." Of all the confusing things N had ever done, this was by far the worst.

N shrank back, unable to look into Black's eyes. "Why did you do that?" He whispered. "Something like that... Why?"

Realizing that N was honestly terrified and _hurt_, Black sat up. "N... I don't understand what you're talking about. I just kissed you."

"But why?" N cried. "What have I done?" He seemed to notice for the first time that he and Black were both naked, and almost frantically scrambled backwards to get out from beneath the other boy. When Black reached out to him, he nearly yelped.

Now Black felt close to frustrated and distressed tears. "N... Why are you acting like this? I kissed you.. It was out of the blue, I know, but.. I did it because I really... I kissed you because I love you!" Sucking in a deep breath, he stared down at the water, clenching his fists as he waited for some reaction to his confession. "I'm in love with you." He whispered. "You probably don't understand what I mean by that, but all I want is to be with you. I want to make you happy, and even if you don't.. feel the same way... I'm sorry." Black shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry."

N stood still, save for the nervous tapping of his fingers against his leg, listening closely to every word Black spoke to him. He did not understand and his actions terrified him, conditioning having reshaped everything he knew and understood about the world. That was not a gesture of "love," or caring, or kindness, or whatever other word for the concept he was still learning about.

But, as hard as it was for him to understand emotions, he was keen on deciphering them, a skill that had just begun to emerge as he pieced together all the false gestures and ideas of his past and compared them to what he now knew was true. And Black's emotions were sincere. He could read it on his face, hear it in his voice. He was not lying.

And that in itself was just more bewildering to him. Too much so.

N began walking towards shore, keeping eye contact at the water below him as he traveled past Black. The dark-haired boy followed him with his eyes but said nothing.

"You're right." N said softly as he put his clothes on. "I don't understand. But I'll try to trust you." With that, he headed back to the shelter alone.

* * *

><p>"Daru.." He sighed as he sank into the welcoming embrace of his Darmanitan. "I'm so confused. Black kissed me.. He kissed me and said he loved me, and he acts like those things mean something different to him. He seemed so caring about it all." Burying his face in the warm, red fur of his pokemon's chest, N began to wonder.<p>

In the first moment of Black's kiss, N had to admit to himself that it had felt... Good? His heart had lept and his face had heated up like his fever was back. No matter how he looked at it, Black's kiss was different. Black's "love" was certainly different.

If there was one thing Black had shown him, it was that the world –the real world– existed in a shade of grey. The more N realized this was so, the more he was unsure if he liked it at all. Why could the world not be a simple place of black and white like he had believed it was?

Black wanted his trust. And he had wanted to give it. But now N could not be sure if he was even capable of trust. His heart was too full of distorted misconceptions to even understand of the feelings of the boy who had freed him from even more illusions.

Perhaps the simple answer was that he was too broken to be loved.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 early. We spoil you.

Maybe if you guys reviewed a bit more we'd write more! ;D ok maybe not and I hate it when writers beg for reviews but... it's always really appreciated and it keeps us motivated~!

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

N had drifted off in a dazed slumber, and it was not until he heard tree branches snap under footsteps did he snap out of it. He saw Black above him, fully clothed, his face skewed in a look of agonized restraint. It was as if he'd burst into tears at any moment.

"N," he began, his voice wavering but still strong. "We have to talk about something."

The green-haired boy sighed softly as he felt his pokemon's arm around him tighten as if to protect him.

"N, I want to help you. You're obviously in a lot of pain, and it _kills_ me to see you look at me like I'm a monster. Please. I want to know what I can fix. I will do anything, just please... help me understand what's wrong."

N shook his head. "I don't want to tell you."

Black knelt down. "But I can't stand this! I can't stand not knowing how I hurt you!"

"You don't want to hurt me?" The monotony with which N asked this made Black wonder if he would even believe him if he said no.

Letting out a quiet sigh, Black folded his legs beneath him and stared down at his hands. "Last year.. I knew that to keep you from making the mistake of separating humans and pokemon I would have no choice but to hurt you. Even though I didn't want to, if that was what it took to free your heart, then I would do it without regret. The first and last time I would _ever_ willingly hurt you. And I don't regret it."

N's hands came up to cover his ears as tears spilled out from tightly shut eyes. Noticing this, Black reached forward and pulled his wrists away, ignoring the warning growl from Daru.

"But it's _not the same_ as whatever Ghetsis did to you, N. I'm not like him. Sometimes you have to hurt the one you love for their own good, but he... the things he did, keeping you in that room, and whatever else– He was no different from the trainers you hated."

N's eyes were once again welling up with tears as he heard his father's name mentioned, his arms trembling similar to last time in Black's grasp. He took ragged breaths as he opened his mouth to speak. It took a few moments before he was able to make himself spit out the words.

"Black... he... he _hurt_... me..." And with that, N broke down into sobs. Black let go of his wrists, bringing him to his chest and embracing him tightly as he cried into his shirt. As powerless as it made him feel, Black could only hold him as he broke down. He stroked the soft hair of the back of his head; he was almost afraid to touch him too much, as if that would somehow break him further. N felt so fragile in his arms.

"I'm so sorry, Black! I'm so sorry...! I'm sorry I'm so defective... I'm just so-"

"Shh," Black whispered soothingly in his ear. "N, you are not defective. Calm down. It's okay. You're okay, N. Remember when you told me that in the river? You're fine. You don't have to worry anymore."

"But it's not _true_! I was lying! I'm a liar, just like he was...!"

Black felt his heart darken when he heard N speak about his father. This was so obviously the issue; it had been obvious to him for quite some time. But just how deeply these wounds ran was not. It truly sickened him to think of such things, but he knew he had to find out the extent of it all. Just how scarring this mysterious past of his really was.

But there would be better times for that. Now, all he could do was comfort him.

"If you want to tell me, or to talk about anything.. I'll listen."

"I don't know what you'll think of me." N's fingers were curled tightly in Black's shirt, but he did not resist as the other gently guided his face up so their eyes could meet.

"I'll only ever love you, N." Black reassured him. "That's what it means to love. No matter what you say or do, that won't change." He stroked N's cheek gently, wiping away tears. If asked, now or any time in the future, what he was feeling in that moment, he would never be able to put it in words. It was an intimacy Black had no idea could be felt. N was beautiful and fragile and slowly relaxing in his arms, and he did not flinch as Black leaned forward very carefully and brushed their lips together. Just a simple touch.

When Black pulled away, N's cheeks were dusted with pink, and the distrust was melting away from his eyes. After a long moment of struggling with his hitched breath, he cupped Black's face in his hands.

"Do you promise not to hurt me?" His whisper was barely audible, but they were so close that Black could feel the vulnerable plea against his skin.

"I promise you."

Nodding slightly, N accepted Black's next kiss and let himself be pulled closer until their chests were pressed together. Black held him with the utmost care, kissing him as well as his very limited experience would allow, and fought to keep himself from getting carried away. Even as he told himself this, when they broke away for air his mouth instantly traveled down to N's neck, hungrily tasting his skin.

N whimpered, but did not pull away. He was frightened, but his trust in Black's word and the warmth he felt wherever their bodies touched kept him in place, gripping the other's shoulders almost too tight. "Black..."

Black nibbled softly at the pale expanse of the boy's neck, planting kisses as he traveled up delicate curves until he reached N's ear. The warm breath against his skin was so stimulating; the soothing feeling began to drain as N noticed the growing erection in his own pants. He shifted a bit, uncomfortable, until he accidentally felt the brush of Black's painfully hard member against his own.

"Ahh, Black! Please, no more...!" he cried as he pulled away, suddenly feeling very uneasy with the situation. Black only smiled warmly and laced his fingers between N's, and he quickly calmed down. As much as he wished to keep going, to continue exploring what he had dreamed of for so long, he knew taking this slowly would be their best option.

"That's fine, N. I'm sorry if I scared you."

Much to Black's surprise, N smiled at him, his face flushed a bright pink.

"No, it's fine. I... I enjoyed it. Thank you, Black."

Black could only smile back at the boy, softly squeezing the delicate hand laced with his.

There was hope, after all.

"Okay, N! Are you ready to go?" Black asked as he suddenly stood up, dragging N up with him.

"Umm... that is fine, but where are we going?" The younger boy grabbed his bag and N's and threw them both over his shoulder, then began walking back towards which he had originally came. N, still holding his hand, was yanked with him, forced to walk quickly as Black attempted to run.

"Let's go to Icirrus City! It shouldn't be too far, if we're on the mountain I think we're on... I've got some more training to do. Last time I heard from Cheren he was around there somewhere. You should meet him!"

"O-Okay, just... can we slow down? I'm still kind of tired from before..."

Black laughed and stopped, letting go of N's hand.

"Sorry, N! I'm just excited. We can take as long as you need."

Black looked up at N's face, which still held the same sincere smile from before. Much to his surprise, N bent down and gave him a small kiss on the forehead. Black's face went red and he fought back an enamoured giggle.

"Thank you, Black." N took a few steps in front of him, then turned back around to face the younger boy. "You know, I never noticed how small you are."

Black pouted, snapping out of his daze. N seemed to have changed so much in such a short amount of time. He hoped it would last forever, but he knew there would be challenges ahead. Still, this playful side of him just made him feel more smitten. Perhaps the key to his healing would be to wait for these displays of affection, rather than always initiating them.

It would be hard, but they would be worth waiting for, he assured himself.

"Have you ever thought that maybe you're just too big?" he snapped back. N's face lit up as he laughed, and Black suddenly became thankful that despite his oddities, N still had an almost-normal sense of humor.

The two boys headed towards civilization, a tranquil feeling now light in the air. Things felt like they were getting better, and Black could only hope that things would continue this way.


	7. Chapter 7

They were closer to civilization than Black had expected, and the sun was only just beginning to dip behind the mountain range as they emerged over Icirrus City.

Black smiled down at the place he had been so fond of during his stay there, but his eyes still traveled to the tall spire of Dragonspiral Tower. His hand around N's tightened as he remembered their fateful meeting there, when his then-rival had tamed the legendary Reshiram. He remembered the long climb up those stairs, and the sight of N, the boy he had already been deeply enamored with, standing there like a true king with the beautiful white dragon at his back. In that moment he had felt more doubt that he could do something to open N's eyes than ever before. But he had not given up. Not once. And his determination had paid off, as proven by the tall young man standing beside him, who he had just recently held in his arms like a lover.

Looking up at N, Black shared a smile with him. "Come on," he said. "Let's go."

After making it down the many steep slopes, they headed for the pokecenter as Black got out his xtransceiver and began dialing his mother. "Here, could you take care of these for me?" he asked N, handing him his pokeballs. N nodded and walked away to the counter.

As N waited for Black's pokemon to be healed, he looked over his shoulder back at the other boy who was now sheepishly apologizing to the woman on the small screen for taking so long to call. Just like always, Black was bursting with a variety of emotions, most of which were completely foreign to N. But the warmth of them intrigued him, and he wanted to see more. To see them all. To learn their names and meanings and perhaps even find it in himself to emulate them.

The nurse gave the pokeballs back to N and thanked him for coming. Keeping them cupped gently in his hands, he wandered around the center as he waited for Black to finish being berated by his mother.

Looking down at the little multi-coloured balls, N thought about what Black had said. That his father's treatment of him was no different from how the trainers he had been led to believe were many in the world treated their pokemon. He knew he had been a fool to not see the similarity. A pokeball was surely not much different from a room without windows. And the training...

Shaking his head, N put those thoughts out of his mind. Black kept pokeballs and trained his pokemon in battle, but he treated them like family, and truly thought of them as such. Would Black now keep him with the same closeness and care as he did them? He glanced back at the boy who practically beamed through every moment of his life and thought that he would really like that. For someone who had lived in captivity all his life, freedom from everyone was nothing short of frightening. But if it was Black, N felt he could be happier than he had ever thought possible.

"Hey N!" he heard Black call from across the room, seeing him sitting with another boy on one of the benches. N approached them quickly, handing the bag back to him as he stood up. "Thanks so much! Ohh, N, this is my friend, Cheren." Black motioned to the dark-haired boy next to him. "You may remember him from Dragonspiral. We've been friends since we were young children. Cheren's been training with the current champion, Alder. It's pretty impressive."

"It's nice to see you again," N said rather flatly, not quite sure what to read off of the cold boy. Cheren pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and shut his eyes.

"Ahh, yes, I remember you from before. Hello."

The way Cheren spoke to N troubled him. It almost seemed condescending. N remembered him quite clearly from that day; he had been one to attempt to take his father away to the authorities. Apparently, he knew his situation, but still acted so cold. Cheren was not as kind as Black, and it intimidated him.

"As I was saying," Black continued brightly. "N and I will be traveling together now."

Cheren looked at his childhood friend with a knowing expression. "Heading for the pokemon league?"

Black shrugged. "Sure, I guess."

"I am, too." Cheren stood up. "I'll be setting out tomorrow. See you on the road?"

"Yeah!"

N nodded to Cheren as curtly as he was nodded to before the boy left. Alone together again, N relaxed and smiled at Black.

"Shall we get a room, th—" To N's bewilderment, Black cut himself short and turned beet red. "Er.. Let's get to the inn." And just like that, he briskly strode out of the center, leaving N to quickly follow along, wondering what on earth could have crossed Black's mind and made him act so peculiar.

=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=

Black threw his bag and jumped onto the bed with a thud, sighing with satisfaction. He had not slept on a real bed in what seemed like an eternity. He was used to tents, so a clean, warm mattress was one of the simple joys in life Black was not always accustomed to.

"Ahh, bed!" he commented, bringing a pillow towards his head and burying his face in it. "I'll bet you haven't seen one of _these _in a while, huh, N?" N just hummed in agreement, obviously not that concerned.

"I never had a bed as a kid, so sleeping outside isn't that big of a deal." Black's eyes shot open and he looked over at the other boy, flabbergasted.

"What? Shit, N, I'm sorry... I had no idea. Sleeping on the floor must've been awful."

"Yes. Black... I don't trust Cheren."

Black almost laughed at the bizarre sudden change of topic. Either N was avoiding the conversation, or he had been thinking about the other for some time now. He should've figured, after the awkward introduction between the two of them.

"Now, now," he placated. "I know Cheren can come off as cold and snobbish, but he doesn't mean to. He's been my best friend our whole lives. _I_ trust him, so you can too, ok?"

N pressed his lips together, obviously not convinced, but he nodded. He was not sure exactly what rubbed him the wrong way about that boy anyway, so he doubted he would be able to explain it to Black. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, he fiddled with the menger sponge tied to his belt loop, wishing the nagging feeling in the back of his head would leave him alone.

Stretching leisurely, Black rolled over and nudged N with his foot. "You want to take a hot bath or shower first?"

N stiffened. "First?"

"Before we go to sleep, unless you're hungry or want to watch tv or something."

"Actually, I... do you have any more of those sweet rolls?" Blacked chuckled and pointed to his bag.

"Yeah, I should have a few left. Can't promise they still taste good."

N bent over Black's messy bag and took out a wrapped pastry. He settled back onto the bed and smiled when he open the package, the sweet smell of jelly delighting him. N took a bite and shrugged his shoulders as he relished the taste.

"Mmm, so good!"

"You can have the rest of them, N. I'm kind of sick of them, to be honest. My mom packed me way too many." Black yawned and nuzzled his head deeper into the pillow. "What did you eat while you were traveling, anyway?"

"Mostly berries, some fruit. I really like sweets! Honestly though, I did miss people food... it's certainly a lot more tasty."

The two boys sat in silence for a bit as N munched on the remainder of his snack, then going through Black's bag to find another. He stopped, however, after the first bite, suddenly looking very reflective.

"Black, does everyone have their own gift to show someone they love them? You said you loved me earlier, but you didn't make me any sweet rolls."

It was physically painful to keep from laughing, but Black managed admirably. "You're right, people do give gifts to the one they love. What would you like me to give you? Unfortunately I don't know how to bake."

N pointed towards Black's crotch.

"That."

Black sat up instantly, attempting to change his perspective on what he was seeing. He must've seen this from the wrong angle. Surely, he was pointing at something else.

"W-What?"

"That," he repeated, so clearly pointing between his legs. No, no, surely there was a misunderstanding here...

"Black," he said clearly, unwavered. "I want your cock."

Black sat there, jaw hanging slack as he stared at N. Was he dreaming? Was N joking? As if in direct contrast to his shock and disbelief, his pants began to feel too tight at the sound of N's voice saying something like that. "...Wh...What do you mean...?" He had to be misunderstanding. There was no way N could have said it intentionally.

Now N looked a little confused. "I mean just that. I want your cock. Inside me. Is that... not a loving gift...?" Uncertainty came over his face, and his formerly steady eyes glanced away.

Taking a deep breath, Black rubbed his face, having come to the conclusion that this was indeed happening. "I... Well, um.. If you mean ..s-sex.. then yeah, it is... But.. err.. Are you sure? I mean... you want to right now...?"

"You don't? After earlier when you were hard down there... I thought that you wanted that?"

Wishing he could just bury himself in the bed and die, Black struggled to keep his composure. "That's... Well, yes... but are you ready? After the way you acted when I kissed you..."

"I've given it a lot of thought." N explained. "And I decided that... I would like to know more of your touch." He looked over at Black, cheeks just slightly flushed and his eyes filled with a most needful light. "I want to feel you inside me."

Black was not sure when he had moved, but in the next moment he had N in his arms and was very nearly ravishing his lips. N opened his mouth and Black eagerly slid his tongue inside while he pulled the other fully onto the bed with him. Reason was lost.

Black couldn't get enough of the boy beside him as their lips met passionately, N's skin tasting so sweet on his tongue. He frantically unzipped his jacket, throwing it to the side, and began removing N's shirt. He was desperate for more contact. He almost _needed _to feel more skin against his own, as if it were all that mattered at this point. After removing both layers of N's shirt, Black turned over and settled on top of N's now naked chest.

God, he had been waiting for this for so long... unrestrained sex with the boy he so urgently loved...

N whimpered as Black's hands roamed his chest. He could feel the erection straining against the boy's pants and began to fumble with the button and zipper. Though he was still just as frightened as he had been when they kissed earlier that day, he forced the feeling away and focused on the surprisingly gentle passion robbing him of his breath and senses.

'Black promised he would not hurt me.' He reminded himself as he pulled the other's cock free, swallowing the loud moan he was rewarded with. As he let his fingers explore Black's hardness, the boy broke away with a gasp and buried his face in N's neck.

"Oh, my god, N..."

The green-haired boy felt a thrill run through him, and he smiled. Black's hands distractedly grasped at his sides and shoulders, and his hips thrust into N's hands. N closed his eyes. He could do this. He could give himself to Black without regret. He knew deep down that the other boy meant no harm. It would've been so obvious to him in the beginning... right?

All doubt faded when N looked up into Black's eyes, filled with a longing he had never seen before. It seemed so genuine and devoted. Not a glint of malice.

"Please N," he heard him say, running his hands against N's pale chest, over raised patches of bone and scarred flesh. "Please... let me love you..."

"Black..."

The younger boy began rubbing his own erection against the other and N cried out. Craving more from him, Black began kissing the crook of N's neck, being careful not to thrust too hard against the other's pelvis. He had to take this tenderly. There would be plenty of other opportunities for maddened sex, he assured himself. But this had to be slow, almost soothing. N _had _to learn to trust him.

N lay still as Black climbed off him long enough to remove the last of his clothes before returning to his side for another heated kiss. His fingers curled into the pillow when he felt the other begin to pull down his own pants and boxers, eyes shutting tightly.

Noticing N's trepidation, Black worked slowly as he took off his clothes, spreading kisses along his stomach and trying not to think too much about how many more scars he was finding in the process. Once the last of their clothing was tossed off the bed, Black gently rubbed N's slim thighs, watching his face for any sign that he wanted to stop.

N's eyes opened, his face turning several shades darker red when he noticed how intently – how devotedly – Black observed him. Beginning to tremble slightly, he spread his legs apart and nearly gasped as a wave of excitement rolled over him at the way Black moaned.

"Black, please..." he begged, bringing his hands between his legs and brushing over his entrance. "I want you... here..."

The younger boy descended onto the other's cock without a word, gripping the base and slowly pulling back his foreskin. A jolt of pleasure shot up his spine and he whimpered.

"Not until I attend to this a bit first," vowed Black before taking the head into his mouth. N bit back a scream of delight.

Both boys were so inexperienced; Black had never even touched another's member before, and this was the first time N had felt a mouth surround his cock. But somehow, in their mutual immaturity, it had worked so perfectly. Black bobbed his head to gentle jerks of his wrist, gauging his effectiveness to the way N squirmed and mewled in pleasure. Seeing him this way was so perfect to the other boy; he had waited so long to hear his cries of passion, watch his body squirm from sheer sensory overload. It was enough to nearly push _him _over the edge.

One of N's hands left the pillow and tangled in Black hair, his legs coming up to drape themselves over the boy's shoulders. N was gasping his name, hips bucking up in an innocent attempt to feel more of the gentle suction which was sending his mind reeling into complete disarray.

"I ca–! I can't hold on!" N sobbed. "Black..! I'm going to..!"

Pulling away, Black struggled to catch his breath. If they did not slow down he wasn't sure if either of them could last long enough to do this properly. N keened unhappily that he had been denied release as Black nibbled and sucked on his inner thigh.

"Please, Black... I can't wait much longer...!" N cried, losing all poise and shred of dignity as he begged him. Black would've been awestruck had it not been for the growing need he felt growing within him that forced all other thoughts out of his present mind. This was so different from the N he had comforted just hours earlier, the frail boy who had sobbed so helplessly into his chest.

N turned over onto his stomach and propped his bottom in the air on his knees.

Hissing as again Black had to force himself to rein in his desire, he knelt behind N and pushed long green hair over one shoulder so he could taste the skin of his scarred back.

"We should.." he mumbled between kisses. "Get something to use.." Another kiss. "To, ah.. make this easier..."

"Make what easier?" N pressed himself back into Black's hips.

Black moaned and grinded against him, sending them both far off track for a few moments. "So that I don't hurt you.." Black gasped as another wave of pleasure nearly had him thrusting inside. "We need.. l-lubrication..."

"Wha..? Oh.." N took one of Black's hands and brought it up to his mouth, taking in a couple fingers and sucking on them.

Gasping, Black continued grinding their hips together, biting his lip hard as he struggled to keep from losing control. When at last N released his fingers, he leaned back and gently traced his entrance, loving the shuddering reaction he received. Very carefully, he pressed one digit inside, his eyes falling shut as N mewled. Slowly he pumped it in and out, stroking his lover and stretching him, adding another finger so he could scissor them both.

"Black..." N begged, his hips rocking to the motion of Black's hand. "Please... Now..."

"Are you sure?" Black asked breathlessly. "I don't want to hurt you.."

N made a sound like a sob and shook his head. "You won't... Please... Do it... J-just be gentle..."

Black aligned himself with N and pushed himself in as slowly as he could manage. N's body tensed as he cried out softly, but did not make any indication that the other boy should cease. Every inch he painstakingly gained made Black's cock twitch from sheer gratification and novelty, having to focus more on not injuring the body beneath him than his own pleasure to prevent himself from coming there and then.

At last, he reached the hilt, and Black stopped.

"N, are you okay?" N opened one of his tightly shut eyes, small tears lining the bottom lids and mingling within his eyelashes.

"Yes... I'm f-fine..." he stammered, his body still getting used to the intrusion as he attempted to force himself to relax. "Y-You can move, now..."

"You sure?"

"Mm.." N nodded.

Letting his forehead rest between N's shoulder blades, Black slowly pulled almost entirely out before going back in. They both let out long, low sounds of pleasure, muscles relaxing as pain and nervousness melted away.

Black's pace continued to pick up speed as he nipped and kissed along N's spine. With one hand he reached down and took hold of the other's cock again, rubbing it quickly and relishing the screamed reaction.

This was the first time N had felt this way beneath the touch of another; Black was so deliberate with his motions, inexperienced but still so... respectful. As he felt nothing but pleasure from his fluid thrusts and seemingly skilled hands pumping him, N could only become unrestrained in his entirety. The way he moaned, the way his hips thrust back against Black's body... it was so unconscious, so thoughtless. He could focus on nothing but their two bodies, entwined so delicately and yet so passionately. He could only cry out for more, writhe under the form above him, seeking more... more stimulation, more sensation, more... comfort...

Black was by now almost completely out of his mind. All that mattered was N; his voice, his body, the smell of his skin and the tightness of him around his cock. Which one of them was sobbing? How long had they knelt there on the bed, lost in each other? What belonged to Black and what belonged to N? None of those questions mattered, and Black did not care to look for answers. Everything was perfect right now in this moment. Just so long as he could keep thrusting into that warmth, just so long as N kept screaming his name, just so long as this never ended...

As skin met skin in frantic slaps, Black now pumping like there was no tomorrow, he put his hand on N's clenched fist and weaved his fingers between the other's. Black bent down and kissed and nibbled every span of skin along the older boy's shoulders as he could manage. He was so close now; all he needed was more of N, now, more contact, more of his senses taking in every possible stimulant he could reap. Black bit down on his bony shoulder, and N screamed once more.

"Black... hah, I... I'm going to-!"

"Do it." Black panted in his ear. "I want to feel you come for me."

With a ragged cry, N's body spasmed beneath Black, who felt his cock throb and release onto the bed. He kept stroking it, drawing out N's orgasm as much as he could. Just as N fell forward, Black succumbed at last to oblivion, thrusting hard and deep as he came. For a moment he hung in pure pleasure, letting his head fall back and relishing the sensations shooting through his nervous system. Then he finally came back down and nearly collapsed on top of N.

Using the last of his strength, he carefully laid down over the slender boy's body and moved green locks aside so that he could see his flushed face. N's cheeks were wet with tears, but a dazed smile tugged at the corners of his lips.

Grinning, Black nuzzled his hair. "I take it you liked your gift?"

N nodded sleepily, a small giggle escaping him. "It was a good gift."

"I love you."

Opening his eyes, N looked up at Black. After a moment of searching for something in the other's face, he smiled again, apparently having found what he wanted. "I love.. you, too?"

"That's good enough." Black allowed. "One day you'll know for sure."

Another tear rolled down N's cheek, although neither of the boys paid any mind. Black wrapped an arm around the other boy and pulled him close as he laid on his side. Black nuzzled his head in N's hair for a moment, wanting to feel him against his cheek one last time before falling asleep.

"Mmm... good night, N..." he whispered.

"Good night."


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks for all the reviews guys, it really keeps us going~!

HURT/COMFORT, AHOY!

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><p>The next morning, Black woke up to find N still sleeping against his chest. Smiling, he stroked the other's hair as he thought back over the past couple days. Everything had moved so fast, but he could not complain. His every fantasy had come true, after all. There would be time to understand N's strange ways; right now all that mattered was that they were together, they were happy.<p>

N sighed and shifted, slowly waking. His eyes fluttered open, and for a moment he looked disoriented. Then he glanced up to see Black's face and timidly returned the smile he was given.

"Good morning," he whispered.

"Good morning." Black leaned down to kiss him gently. "Are you ok? Did I hurt you last night?"

N shook his head. "It felt good." Sitting up, he stretched languidly and yawned. As his hair slid aside, Black noticed again the collection of scars running across his back.

Reaching out, he laid his hand on the marred skin. Now that he could think straight, something was bothering him about them. "N... these scars are all from pokemon...?"

N felt his heart jump in his chest at the posed question as he proceeded to have a flood of thoughts run through his mind. He didn't want to bring up the truth; he didn't want to anger Black. Surely, he'd be angry with N, having been stupid enough to deserve them, ruining the body Black seemed to care so much for.

But lies were so hurtful; he knew this so well. He didn't want to be a liar. At last, he spoke after moments of pondering, although the words struggled to come out properly.

"I-I was... n-not... before, I..." Frustrated, N grabbed the closest pillow and hid his face in it.

"N, it's okay. I'm sorry... I didn't mean to bring u-"

"No," N squeaked before biting down hard on his lip.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

N forced his face deeper into the pillow, somehow trying to gain enough reassurance that this was not going to end disastrously.

"N-No..." he repeated. "Most of them... I... earned... I deserved..."

"I don't understand." Black sat up and put his arm around N. "Earned? Deserved?"

"Because I'm so imperfect. Even though I tried... I was always making mistakes. I was always too flawed." N looked up at Black quickly, feeling panicked that the boy would be disgusted with him. "But I'll do better, now! I can be perfect for you! I won't disappoint you the way I did Father, I promise!"

Black felt a chill run through him. He barely heard the latter half of what N had said. "N... Are you saying... that Ghetsis gave you these scars? As... as punishment? For not being _perfect_?"

N turned away again. "You don't have scars," he whispered. "Although you were never expected to be a king, I'm sure you were a much better son than I. It's fine if you can't understand what my father needed to do."

The boy was startled when he felt arms snake around his waist, squeezing him and pulling him towards Black's chest. The younger trainer felt like his heart had broken in two, and all he wanted now was to feel N closer to him, hoping that even such a small gesture could somehow mend the damage done.

"N, I'm... I'm so sorry..." It was all he could manage to say as he fought to keep tears from spilling over. It was becoming clearer, now, but the full extent still remained a mystery. The thought of his father punishing him so harshly was sickening... and his justification was "because he is not perfect?" What did his father even _do _to him?

Ohh god... the more he thought about it, the more he realized...

"N... last night... how did you... how did you know what was happening? You didn't even know what a kiss was for and then... that... I..."

Turning around, N met Black's tear-filled eyes hesitantly. He said nothing, but he seemed not to need to. Black's face paled as realization came over him.

"Oh god... Oh god, N..." Black felt sick. Moving over to the side of the bed, he put his feet on the floor and covered his face with his hands. "Please, tell me that's not.. Please tell me that's not true..."

N's heart sank. He knew this would happen. "I'm sorry." He said softly. "But I didn't have a choice. I know that humans are very possessive of their.. their.. I do not have a word for it.. I'm sure you had hoped to be the first one to have me.. And I would have liked that, too.. But I didn't mean to deceive you! It was selfish and horrible of me, and I would not blame you if you were to punish me in any way. I just.. Last night, I just... I wanted to be your mate."

The way N was speaking blew Black's mind. He was apologetic of the entire thing, so selfless and piteous, even while speaking about the fact that his father had stolen his virginity.

The thought going through his mind made his head throb, and he rubbed his temples in a futile attempt to ease it. He knew Ghetsis was a terrible man, insane even, but to think that he'd _rape_ his own son... his N... just thinking such things was nearly unbearable.

"N," he began again, hoping to somehow clear the tension and whatever emotion he was feeling at the moment; he could be so hard to read. "I don't know what your father said to you, but that is _not _okay. No one should ever be put through that, _never_... and to know... what he did to you, it just... breaks my heart..."

"What do you mean? It hurts you, too? Black, I don't _want _to hurt you! I'm so sorry...!" N's hands formed fists as he tried not to break down, not wanting to burden the other boy further. "This is all my fault...! I was so young back then, so stupid... I'm better now, I promise, Black! I've learned my lessons! They were harsh, but... in the end, I think I've become much more than I ever would have!"

Black felt arms wrap around his shoulders as the sounds of sniffles and gasps reached his ear, N's face buried into the crook of his neck.

Placing his hands over N's, Black breathed in as much as his lungs would allow before slowly letting it out. Now was not the time to get mad or upset. He had to remain calm for N's sake. He had to explain this as delicately as possible. Hysterics would only make the situation worse.

But first...

"About last night..." Black began slowly. "Why did you... Why did you want to have sex with me? You say you wanted to be my mate, but.. you..." He shook his head, unable to find the words.

"I wanted to make you happy," N whispered. "I wanted to be yours. And I had hoped that... that you would be gentle. It surprised me, but I really wanted you."

"But you were frightened of me. When I first kissed you, did you think that I was going to force myself on you?"

"I... Yes."

Mentally kicking himself as hard as he could, Black continued. "N.. I know this is hard, but... the things Ghetsis did to you... beating you, and.. and everything... that's... those actions are unthinkably evil in the real world. You don't seem to understand the severity of it, but that kind of abuse is unjustifiable."

At his back, N went still. When he lifted his head, Black turned around to see the growing surprise on his face.

"...What...?"

Black shook his head sadly. "Whatever excuse he gave you, he was either lying or insane. That's not love of any kind, N. It's pure cruelty."

Helpless and thinking that perhaps he had just broken his promise to never hurt him, Black watched as N went still, in shock, before his whole body crumpled into his arms.

"No..!" N sobbed against Black's chest. "No, no, no, no!"

Black could only stroke his head softly in some meager attempt at comfort. There was nothing he could say, nothing he could do to lighten the blow. He had to allow N this moment of remorse; mourning, even. Though had been told his childhood was nothing but fed lies in the past, to hear that his father was no longer just manipulative, but _cruel_ and _hateful_towards him... purposefully harmful without true reason... all the confusion and puzzlement Ghetsis had caused him... it was too much.

But it _had _to be brought to light, Black assured himself. It was for the greater good... right?

"Black, I was so young... it hurt so much, Black, I couldn't... the things he told me, they seemed so _right_, and... he was my _daddy_, how was I supposed to not trust him? It made so much sense, but when I got older, I started questioning it, and it only made it worse, and... I felt so guilty, listening to that little voice that told me it was wrong, I just thought it was illogical, but... but it was... I was..."

"It's okay, N," Black reassured, continuing to stroke the back of his head lovingly. "You were wronged, and you will never be wronged ever again. I don't judge you or blame you for _any _of it. Do you trust me?"

A part of N wondered if he could ever really trust anyone again, but he wanted, _needed_ to trust Black, the only human besides his barely-remembered mother who had ever honestly cared about him.

"I..."

Black laid them both back down on the bed gently, and N pressed himself as close to the other boy as he could, holding onto him as if for dear life.

"I trust you," N whispered, giving Black his damaged heart. If Black were to ever betray him, that would be the end. N could not survive another blow. They both understood this well.

"Thank you, N. I love you."

"I... love you too, Black."

Black smiled, hearing the words coming from N; even with his hesitation, he detected sincerity. And even a little meant a lot to him.

They laid in silence for a few moments, allowing their situation to sink in. So much had been said these past few days, so many revelations. Black had not been prepared for such things, although he was never quite sure what he was even expecting from the beginning. N was much more damaged than he had anticipated. But besides being heartwrenching, it was not hopeless. Black was dedicated, now. He realized his feelings were genuine. This was not just blind lust. If N was willing to give him one chance at this, it was all he needed, and he was truly grateful for it.

He noticed N had fallen asleep in his arms, obviously exhausted from such an emotional talk. Black gently removed his arm from under him and stood up off the bed. He packed up their bags before he hopped into the bathroom for a quick shower. The warm water felt so soothing on his skin and seemed to clear his foggy mind.

He could be strong for N. He had done it before. Just patience and caring was all he needed. Black didn't know what the future held, but he knew he could bear it. He had already promised N, after all.


	9. Chapter 9

If you have been reading since the beginning and didn't see my note on tumblr...** _please go back to the 7th chapter and reread the beginning_!** I accidentally left out a big chunk of the story, hurhur. It's extremely relevant to this chapter, and if you didn't read it, you probably won't know what's going on now.

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><p>When Black got out of the shower, N was awake and eating the last sweet roll.<p>

"Feeling better?" Black asked him.

N nodded, smiling.

"After you take a shower we can head out, I guess. Cheren's probably way ahead of us, the early bird. I already packed your things up." N's face lit up before standing up off the bed.

"Thank you, Black!" he chimed before heading into the bathroom. He didn't bother closing the door.

Not much later, the pair headed out towards the next route. Though Black secretly kept a close eye on his lover, N was either as whimsical as ever, or was doing a very good job at hiding any lingering turmoil he might be feeling, as he gazed around at the late summer scenery with delight, splashing in the puddles like a child.

'I should have bought him some boots and a raincoat...' Black mused, watching N's pants become soaked and his shoes turn brown with mud. He said nothing though, happy that N was having so much fun. N deserved any and all chances to be a normal person, even if he was not acting his age.

"Black!" N called from up ahead. "Let's go in there!" He was pointing to the entrance to the Moor of Icirrus.

"Alright!" Black quickened his pace to catch up. "But take off your shoes and socks before you catch another cold. And roll up your pant legs. Sheesh. Do I have to hold your hand?"

N looked up from where he had been obediently following Black's commands, his face lit up. "You'd hold my hand?"

Nearly bursting out laughing, Black managed to keep a somewhat straight face. "Sure, okay." Taking the wet shoes and socks and tying them to the side of his backpack to dry, Black let N take his hand and lead him into the Moor.

As they walked into the open expanse, Black noticed a familiar hair color on the other side of the flooded field. It was Cheren, heading towards a wooded area. Without thinking, he called to him.

"Cheren!" he shouted. The other boy turned and flashed a smile as he caught sight of his friend. But as he approached, his smile faded to a confused scowl.

"Uhh, hello, Black. N. Where you two headed?" Black was a bit off-put by his facial expression.

"We're just exploring, I guess. What are you doing here? And what's with that face?" Cheren looked down at the other two boys' hands, their fingers still tightly woven together.

"Err..!" Black felt his face heat up and quickly tried to take his hand back, but N held on.

"Is there something wrong with this?" N asked, sounding genuinely inquisitive, though when Black glanced up at his face, he was shocked to find an almost challenging expression there.

Cheren pressed his lips together and pushed his glasses up. "No, nothing." He turned to Black again. "I've been hearing rumors about an extremely rare pokemon that may have been sighted here recently, so I came to see if I can find it."

"Ohh!" N exclaimed, letting go Black's hand and forming fists with his own. "Keldeo? I've read about a place like this! Many years ago, there was a fire here... the poor pokemon was forced out... I wonder if it has returned? It certainly is lovely enough here now!" Cheren crossed his arms, reflecting on what the other had said.

"Mmm, but... I don't know where to look. There was a rumor that it is part water-type, so I assume it would like the wetter areas. There's a p-"

But N was already dragging Black deeper into the moor, talking amiably.

"I didn't get a chance to come here the first time I was passing through because I had many things to attend to, but I really wanted to look around for Keldeo! As the Heroes, we'll surely be able to make friends with it, don't you think, Black?"

Black was currently sending Cheren an apologetic smile as he tried to keep up with N's long legs.

"Legendary pokemon really trust you, don't they?" N continued. "You befriended Virizion, Cobalion, and Terrakion so easily, and Zekrom, too." Stopping at last as they reached the top of a grassy slope, N squeezed Black's hand. "And me. We all felt that we could trust you when we could trust no one else. That's the kind of person you are."

"N..." Black wondered if his face was as red as it felt. He was very thankful that Cheren, though following behind, was out of hearing range. As touched as he was, it was horribly embarrassing for a decidedly average person like Black to be thought of so highly by anyone.

N examined the landscape carefully, taking into account what he had learned as a child from the books he read, trying to find a possible place to start searching. Black looked behind him and saw Cheren running awkwardly up the hill. He began slipping up the muddy side; the brown-haired boy reached his arm out to him for aid.

"Geez, you two are in such a hurry! How do you run so fast?" As he was pulled to the top, the boy bent over with his hands on his knees, obviously out of breath.

"Ahh, Cheren, sorry... he tends to take off, and I don't want to lose him..." Black turned to where N stood and noticed he was gone. He sighed at the stupid irony of it all. "_Dammit_."

The two looked down over the valley and saw a lanky body darting towards a grassy meadow, his tea green hair making him difficult to detect over such green scenery. Black held back a chuckle.

"So, would you mind telling me what you're doing with the former king of Team Plasma?" Cheren demanded, folding his arms against his body again. It seemed more haughty than it had before.

Black fidgeted. It was not that he was ashamed, but Cheren could be very critical.

Fortunately he did not have to say anything. Cheren sighed. "That's not what I mean. Even someone who wasn't your childhood friend could see that you've been in love with him since forever. And I guess it's great that he seems to share your feelings, as much as he's capable, at least." Noticing Black's frown, Cheren held up his hand. "Let me finish. What I want to know is what you're doing _with_ him. What is your plan? Try to introduce him to society? Black, I think taking care of him will be a big responsibility. You're probably capable of handling it, but won't it be a burden?"

"I seem to recall you giving a very similar lecture that time when Bel tried to take a wild Lilipup home when we were seven," Black muttered. "You may have been right then, but you don't know anything about N."

"He's not like normal people; I know that much. You'll waste away your youth and opportunities practically having to raise him. I know you're smitten, but—"

"It's not _smitten_." Black turned away and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I care about him. I _love_ him. He needs me, and I... I need him. I was never anything before I met N. I wasn't ambitious like you, or earnest like Bel. I just went along with everything not really caring. N makes me feel like I have purpose, like I'm worth something. I want to make his life better. I want to make him happy. If that's all I can accomplish, it'll be enough."

Cheren was silent for a while, then Black heard him sigh. "I hope you know what you're getting yourself into. I'll say one last thing– N is unstable, that much is obvious. Can someone as mild-mannered as you really be able to control someone as recklessly passionate as him?"

Black smiled slightly.

"I'm always up for a challenge." Cheren rolled his eyes dramatically before beginning to head down the hill, following after the older boy who worried him so.

"I guess we should follow him, then," he responded as Black travelled not far behind. "Look, do what you want, I'm not questioning your abilities or feelings or anything. I'm just looking out for you. Just try not to do anything too crazy. You can be a bit rash sometimes." With that comment, Black chuckled and ran back the shorter boy.

"Whatever, Cheren. You're just not adventurous enough!" Pouting, he ran close behind the other, both heading towards the large meadow ahead.

"N? Where are you?" Black called. He was about to try again when he heard a shushing from the trees and saw N's hand waving them closer.

Glancing at each other, Black and Cheren carefully made their way over into the dense underbrush. Reaching N's side, they both stopped dead in their tracks as they caught sight of a small pony-like pokemon with bright red and blue colouring standing nearby. It stared at them cautiously, but did not move.

"I _knew_ it would be here," N whispered gently, his stare not breaking from the rare creature before them. "It looks so scared... I want to talk to it. I wonder what it has seen..."

Cheren was not paying attention to N; his hands were too preoccupied with slipping into his back pocket, fumbling with a pokeball worthy of catching such a mystical pokemon.

"N, be careful," Black warned him as he touched his shoulder. "It's probably scared of humans..."

A tranquil look overcame the older boy's face, showing an expression of understanding. It was an emotion Black had never seen before. Slowly, ever so slowly, N began approaching it, his arms outstretched to his sides. The creature seemed to lose the tenseness in its body, flinching but not fleeing. It astounded Black how well he could communicate with these mysterious monsters without words.

"You won't mind if I'm the one to catch it, right?" Cheren asked in a whisper, although it did not really sound like a question.

Black did a double-take. "Cheren, I don't think that's such a good idea... N won't.."

Sharp eyes behind glasses made Black trail off. "I'm not going to miss this chance because N doesn't understand the importance of catching pokemon."

Perhaps alerted by the watchful Keldeo, N turned at that moment and saw Cheren with his pokeball in hand. Black winced as he saw that rare but formidable hardness come into N's face.

"You will not catch this pokemon," he said with an authority Black had not heard him use since he was the king of Team Plasma. It sent a shiver down his spine that was not entirely unpleasant. "It's meant to be free."

Cheren similarly was not about to back down. "Why don't you let it decide? If I can catch it then aren't I worthy of keeping it?"

N's eyes flashed. "It doesn't want to be caught! You have no right to barge into it's habitat with the intention of chaining it to you like a trophy! It's a living being, with it's own dreams and it's own future! Yet you would take it from it's home without any thought for what _it_ wants! To use at your leisure like some doll!"

Black suddenly felt very torn. Understanding both sides of the argument, not wanting to oppose his lover or his friend, he was at a loss as to how to rectify the steadily worsening situation.

The situation became much, much worse when Cheren threw the pokeball once hidden in his palm.

Black heard the creature cry out in a voice much deeper than he had expected before bucking its legs and kicking the ball to the side. Just as Cheren reached for another, the creature screeched once more before taking off, nimbly darting out of the meadow and into the woods in mere moments.

"NO!" N screamed, reaching out to the pokemon that was now long gone. All the questions he had formulated as a child, the curiosities of such a troubled creature... ripped from him in seconds of what N could only consider ignorance.

Black put his face in his hands. Things had gone from bad to worse and he had no idea what to do. He looked up again quickly when the sound of a sharp slap broke the heavy silence. N had just backhanded Cheren with enough force to knock off his glasses. Tears streamed down the taller boy's face which was twisted with a mixture of anger and sorrow.

"Selfish," N spat. "Greedy. Loathsome human. People like you are the reason that I.." He faltered. "That I endured everything.. to become King.. To stop this cruelty..."

"Who the hell do you think you are?" Cheren screeched, grabbing N by the collar of his shirt. N suddenly flinched as if he were to be severely punished, his eyes flickering with terror. "I don't know _what _drives you to have these stupid ideals even after all this time, but do me a huge favor and _stop_. That crazy bastard _told _you it was all a big lie, and you still pull this shit? I could've caught that thing!"

"That _thing_?" N retaliated, his hands trembling. "You act as though it's not even alive! That it exists solely for you to collect and use! I know that Father lied to me, but I'm not stupid! I can see with my own eyes the way trainers treat pokemon! I was _raised_ by so many who had been abused. Do not tell me that it is a stupid ideal when you have not seen the results of your indiscriminate ambition!"

Black watched the argument unfold, speechless. Nothing good would come of this, but he could not just choose a side. Both of them were headstrong in their opposite viewpoints; what _could _he do?

With the low blow to such a personal topic, Cheren shoved N, causing the older teen to fall back onto the ground.

"Don't you _dare _insult my ambitions just because yours are a farce. You know it is, so stop lying to yourself. You're just making yourself look more stupid. I used to pity you, but I'm starting to think you're just too arrogant to admit you're wrong."

N froze for a moment, then grit his teeth, looking more furious by the moment. "Just because this world is not nearly as bad as I was led to believe, does not mean that I am wrong. You cannot understand pokemon as I do, how could you know anything about their true feelings? Your pokemon may respect you, but not all of them would want to be your companion!" He got to his feet and shook his head, tears still falling down his flushed cheeks. "All that matters to you is strength. If a pokemon is weaker than you want it to be, would you throw it away? Would you drag a pokemon from it's friends and family just because it's strong? You're no different than my father, then!"

Cheren stopped, a look of frustration still very clearly written over his face. It was useless to argue with N like this; it was becoming perfectly apparent, now. The three stood in awkward silence for a moment before N suddenly took off running towards the woods. Black flinched and called out to him, preparing to run after the boy before he felt a hand wrap around his arm.

"Black, are you seriously going to go after him?" The comment aggravated Black, who tore his arm from the other's grasp.

"Cheren, come _on_! I know he's difficult, but you're just being an ass. Look, he's got a lot of baggage, ok? His whole life has been awful, and he's just coming to terms with it. I know you two don't see everything in the same light, but... please, just drop it for now. I'm really trying to make him feel better, and fighting with him won't help."

As fast as he could, Black ran after N. For a moment he thought he had lost him, seeing no sign of green hair or white shirt, and he could not hear the sound of running anymore, but then as he leaped over another log, he caught sight of N nearby, kneeling on the ground.

"N, are you ok?" Black rushed to his side.

Pushing away Black's hands, N rounded on him fiercely. "Do you agree with him? Do you think I'm some sort of fool?"

Black took off his cap and ran a hand through his hair. "I don't think you're a fool. Cheren said some things he shouldn't have. But..."

"Would you have tried to catch it?" N's loaded question was almost too quiet to hear.

Wincing, Black cursed this whole ordeal for making things so difficult. He sighed and sat down on the ground. "I'll be honest with you. As a trainer, I would have tried. But if a pokemon doesn't want to be caught, it can escape. I think that in most battles between a trainer and a wild pokemon, you have to prove yourself worthy of capturing it. A pokemon must accept you as it's trainer. Cheren believes that too, he just has a different way of saying it."

N looked at him unreadably.

"But he tried without any considerations... he wouldn't _listen _to me...!" The tears that had settled in his eyes now overflowed as frustration set in. Black tried not to find anything endearing about his child-like expression, but it was rather difficult. Still, he swallowed hard and spoke.

"People make mistakes, N. And that's okay. Cheren was excited, is all. Sometimes people do things without thinking about them. I'm... kind of guilty of that, too." He chuckled awkwardly, remembering the first time they kissed. "That doesn't make what he said to you any less hurtful, but please trust that Cheren is a good guy with the right intentions. He just... got caught up in the moment. It was a legendary pokemon! You were excited too, weren't you? That opportunity is pretty rare, being able to see something you've only heard or read about."

N chewed on his lower lip, obviously not ready to admit to anything. A sound from behind made them turn to see Cheren walking up, his cheek still red from the slap.

Black stood and patted the air in a placating manner toward both his companions. "I know nothing has really been resolved, but can you two please at least agree to disagree? Don't fight anymore, alright? Nothing will come of it."

"I don't intend to keep arguing," Cheren reassured him somewhat coldly. "I just came to say that we should get going if we want to reach a place to eat for dinner."

"Right.." Black glanced down at N, who was glaring at the ground. He had stopped crying, but he was no less upset. Black looked back at Cheren and silently pleaded with him to say -something- that would make things less tense between them.

Cheren started in surprise and quickly turned away as his cheeks flushed. "Let's just go already," he snapped, striding away swiftly.

Sighing, Black helped N up. "You up for walking back?" he asked gently.

N nodded and took Black's hand. "Are you mad at me?"

"No, not at all. Just try to get along with him, please?"

"...I'll try."

"Thank you." Stretching himself up on his toes, Black kissed N's lips briefly before leading the way back to the open moor.


	10. Chapter 10

Leaving the Moor, the three headed on to the Tubeline Bridge.

"You've never been here, have you, N?" Black asked as they came up to the large gates.

With his shoes and socks dry again, N continued to hold Black's hand even as he trailed along behind, still visibly upset. "No. I flew over it without much thought as I headed to the last Gym."

Black grinned, making a great effort to lighten the dark cloud hanging over them all. "I think you're gonna enjoy this, then." Pulling N out onto the massive bridge, Black pointed down through the iron grate floor to a row of train tracks running beneath it. "Take a look at that."

As he said this, a train rushed past right under their feet. N gasped, but his eyes lit up. "Trains!" he cried with excitement. "Look! Another one!" Finally letting go of Black's hand, he rushed off further onto the bridge to watch the trains go roaring back and forth.

Chuckling, Black felt himself relax.

"Trains?" Cheren asked, looking somewhat disturbed by the sudden change in attitude.

"I figured he liked them a lot. He had a train set in his room, and it looked like the thing he enjoyed playing with the most."

"He had a train set in his room? That he played with?"

Black blinked, realizing that Cheren really did not know much about N at all. "Yeah... he had lots of toys. It was like a child's playroom, but without windows. He spent his whole life locked up in there with only abused pokemon to raise him."

"Why? How could that be advantageous in any way? It obviously stunted his emotional growth."

Black remembered the words spoken to him by Ghetsis on this very bridge, of the "education" he had provided for N. "It was to keep him pure," he answered through clenched teeth. "Only someone pure of heart can tame a legendary."

"Hah! Wow. You proved that theory wrong, didn't you?" Black gave him a deathly stare, obviously not amused by his joke amongst such serious matters. "Okay, I'm sorry. But seriously, what the hell? That's sick. Is that why you're so protective of him? Because he had a messed up upbringing?" The brown-haired boy rolled his eyes.

"Of course not, that's not why I have feelings for him. It's just a piece of who he is. I'm not set out to save him or anything. I just... really care about him, as a whole, not because I feel sorry for him. I didn't even know about all this until recently... the extent of it, at least." Cheren shook his head, taking off his backpack and digging through it.

"Ohh Black," Cheren sighed, pulling out three occupied pokeballs from a side zipper. "I _still _don't understand you."

As much as Black enjoyed battling Cheren, he was reluctant. "Cheren, this really isn't the time..." He glanced at N, who was still engrossed in the train activity.

"You're going to turn down something you love because he doesn't like it?" Cheren scowled. "I must say I'm disappointed."

"You've already upset N enough today. Don't make this any worse. _Please_."

"N is also a trainer, you know," Cheren pointed out. "He battled just as much as we did."

"And it killed him to do it! Cheren, just stop.. You're being really selfish." Black was pleading with him now, his eyes continuing to make sure N had not noticed what was going on. Cheren pouted, fed up with the entire ordeal.

"Fine, I'll find someone else to battle. I'd beat you anyway." The other boy began walking in the opposite direction, seeking out a battlemate.

"You've really changed, Black..." he muttered under his breath.

Normally, such a challenge would be enough to send Black near-frenzied; he never took an insult like that without attempting to prove himself first. But that spark just wasn't there. All he could think about was the older boy. He had begun regretting this decision to ask Cheren along with him... his old friend was causing nothing but problems, nearly sabotaging all that Black had worked for in his progressive healing of N's heart. He had gotten so far in such a short amount of time!

But... was Black really changing all that much? He certainly felt different, but a better kind of different. He no longer felt so apathetic, so undriven. Black was pleased with how this was going, but at the same time... was he putting N in front of everything else he loved before?

He waved the second-guesses from his mind. He would never change that much for another person. Maybe he was just... maturing, or under a lot of stress. Black tried not to let Cheren's opinion skew his perception of things.

As the ruckus of a pokemon battle joined the din of the trains, Black slowly made his way to N. The green-haired boy looked up brightly when he noticed the brunette.

"Black! Isn't this amazing! Where's—" A quick glance around answered his cut-off question, his eyes falling upon Cheren already deep in battle.

Black grimaced and took N's arm, pulling him towards the far end of the bridge quickly. "Come on, let's just go on ahead, ok? Don't worry about him. Do you like the trains?"

N nodded, looking sullen again. "Yes. I miss my train set."

Unable to help but smile, Black shifted his grip to take N's hand again. "I'll get you another one if you like. And we can go ride the subway sometime. That's really fun." 'Not the Battle Subways, though,' Black thought to himself with a bit of disappointment.

"That would be so amazing! I've never been on a real train before! I appreciate you offering to buy me another toy, but... I really just miss my old train set from when I was a kid. Is that silly?" Black shook his head, looking out over the side of the bridge across the water reflecting light in sparkling waves. The breeze felt so nice as it blew against his face... he suddenly felt so calm, so at peace holding N's hand. He almost forgot to respond.

"No, N, that's not silly. I'm sure they hold a lot of nice memories. I have all my kid toys back at home, too. Hey, how about we stop by your castle after we visit the pokemon league? Have you been back there since you left?"

N looked nervous, unsure. Black felt his hand squeezed a little tighter as the other boy pondered it. He had mixed emotions about the idea.

"No, I never returned... I don't know, Black. It might be a little strange for me..."

Black didn't want to push him into doing anything, but he somehow had a good feeling about this. He hoped that it would calm his fears somewhat. Perhaps come to terms with the things that still haunted him. Maybe even bring him back to _some _happy period of his life. He suddenly had an idea.

"Well, I would never _make _you go, N, but what if I promised to play with you? With you and your old toys? Would you like that?"

N looked over at him in shock, tears instantly beginning to well up in his eyes. "Really..?"

Black chuckled. "Of course! It's been a long time since I've played with toys, so I might be a bit rusty, though."

Now N looked concerned. "Why is that? Do you not like playing?"

Black considered the best way to word his explanation. "No, I wouldn't say that. It's just, after a certain age most people lose interest in toys. They.. Well, they grow up."

"That's so sad.." N thought for a moment. "Should I 'grow up?' I'm not sure I know how to, but if that is expected in the real world..."

"I think you're fine the way you are." And honestly, this was true. It was the childish, heartfelt N that Black had fallen in love with. The only change he wished to see was more happiness, more trust, and a better understanding of reality. "There's nothing wrong with never growing up."

N smiled warmly. "Then let's stay this way forever. Just like this." Stepping out in front of Black, N hesitated for only a second before leaning down and sweetly kissing the other's lips, the brims of their hats brushing together.

Even as he melted into the chaste touch, Black wondered in the back of his mind. Cheren said he had changed, and he knew this was true. But it was the changed _him _ that _N_ had fallen in love with, and though it was different, and certainly heavy, he did not mind the weight of N's heart now in his hands. Feeling responsible for another person's happiness was overwhelming, but also fulfilling.

Wrapping his arms around N, Black held him tightly and deepened the kiss, suddenly feeling amorous. It was alright to stay this way forever. Sometimes change could be good.

And somehow he knew that this change in his life _was _good... it was so clear to him now...

"I lost."

The sudden blunt statement threw Black out of his near trance and he snapped away from the contact between them. Cheren stood, arms crossed in his traditional matter, his face hardened and scowled.

"I, err, I'm sorry, I was just..." Black could not think of a reasonable excuse. It was so blaringly obvious what they were doing, and although their feelings weren't a secret, he couldn't help but feel incredibly embarrassed.

Cheren just stared darkly, not looking the least bit interested in any explanation.

"We should get your pokemon to a Center quickly," N said in a clipped tone, not so much as blushing from being caught. Black wondered if N even understood that they had been doing something embarrassing.

"You seem to have the impression that I don't care about my pokemon," Cheren redirected his scorn to the tallest of the three as they left the bridge. "But you're wrong. They are my dear comrades and I'm not abusing them in any way. They enjoy battling just as much as I do. If you are so knowledgeable of pokemon feelings, one would think that you'd get that."

"_No more_ arguing!" Black interjected before things could get out of hand again. "Just drop it, both of you. Now let's head to the pokemon league already. We can stop by Opelucid and you can heal your pokemon on the way, Cheren. Come on, I could use something to eat anyway."

Cheren snorted, then began heading towards the end of the bridge without a word. N grasped onto Black's hand again and the younger boy felt his arm trembling from rage. It was a bit bizarre for Black to see him like this; never had he experienced N's anger before Cheren came so bluntly into the picture. It was certainly unpleasant, but he convinced himself to just get over it. After all, he probably should be _happy _he was expressing emotions other than his usual apathy, fear, or sadness. He honestly just wished he would smile more often.

In due time, he assured himself.


	11. Chapter 11

Finally reaching Opelucid, Black and N wandered around looking for a good place to eat while they waited for Cheren to heal his pokemon. Black figured he should not be surprised that N was instantly drawn to the most lavish (and expensive) restaurant, and was thankful he had enough money to buy them all dinner there. Before returning to their travels, Black bought N a sleeping bag to bring along with them. As much as the green-haired boy protested, saying that he was fine sleeping on the ground, Black insisted.

Full from delicious food, the three did not walk far through route 10 before they grew tired from such a long, eventful day. Black was the first to admit it; the other two were far too stubborn to concede.

"Let's set up camp somewhere along the riverbed," he chimed, removing his backpack. "My tent should be big enough to hold three of us if we cram in."

"No, thank you," Cheren insisted as he removed a small sleeping bag from his pack. "I'd rather have my own space." Black turned to him, wanting to read his expression before he asked his next question. He really hoped his own cheeks weren't turning red.

"Would you mind if... N and I had the tent, then?"

Cheren pressed his lips together and turned away. "Suit yourself." He bit out in a tone not quite as neutral as he had intended.

Wanting to crawl in a hole and die, Black could only nod and start setting up his tent. All tension between his friends aside, it was a great deal more awkward than he had expected, to be with them both here at once. Now that he was with N, in a romantic relationship, having Cheren here brought up those memories of the things Cheren and he had done under the guise of studying together. Black wondered if Cheren guessed how much farther he had already gone with N, and what he really thought about it. They had always been able to be completely honest with each other, but now N stood between them and he at least did not feel like he could ever be as close to the darker-haired boy as before. It was painful.

N wasn't very helpful in terms of setting up camp; it seemed as though his pokemon had helped him in the past. Still, he opened his new sleeping bag and attempted to zip it up correctly. He wasn't used to such things.

"Black, how does this work?" he asked, trying to unjam a zipper caught in the fabric.

"What did you _do_?" Black interjected, trying not to sound angered. He was more confused about it than anything.

"I don't know, I pulled on the zipper and... why do you need to zip it up if you're just going to lay on it, anyway?" The other two boys laughed. Black yanked at it, freeing the fabric from the caught closure.

"You sleep _inside _of it, N! Like... like you're the jelly of one of those sweet rolls!" After Black properly zipped the sleeping bag, N wiggled himself inside, his face still bright with confusion and inquisition.

"Huh. This feels... strange." The brown-haired boy giggled, smiling at how clueless the other was about seemingly firsthand things. It was somehow incredibly endearing. Black liked the idea of teaching him about the simple pleasures of life. The expression of wonder on his face was almost addictive. As silly as it seemed, achieving small goals like this just made him feel closer to N.

"You'll get used to it!" he said with a smile.

"Hm.." N continued to squirm around, deeply considering whether or not he would like this new contraption.

Black glanced at Cheren, hoping he would at least not be too proud to see how adorable this was. To his relief, the serious boy's lips were twitching as he shook his head. Of course, it was a slightly condescending gesture, but that was the most that could be expected from him, anyway.

"Black, look!" Turning back around, Black saw that N had curled himself up on his knees, holding the opening of the sleeping bag tight around his head as he put on a morose expression. "I'm a Swadloon."

"Oh, for pity's sake!" Cheren snapped indignantly as Black began to develop a stitch in his side from laughing so hard. "You're both children!"

Thanks to N's unintentional antics, the three were able to settle down for the night on good terms with each other.

As the two boys settled down in their tent after sundown, N grabbed Black by the waist and pulled him close. He clung onto him tightly, burrowing his face into Black's hair and smiling.

"Mmm... Black... you're so soft..." The younger boy smiled as well, enjoying the fact that he could finally relax and be himself around N.

"How are you doing, N? Is everything okay?" The other sighed, pulling him a bit closer.

"Yes. I just... being with you _and _Cheren makes me realize how much I like just being with you." Black chuckled slightly, putting his hand on the hands around his waist.

"I'm sorry, N. But I'm glad you enjoy spending time with me. Once we get to the pokemon league and if you're up for it, we can go play with your toys, just you and me. Do you still think you'll like that?"

"I would like that very much." N's fingers casually toyed with the hem of Black's shirt for a while before slowly slipping beneath to touch the skin of his stomach. "Do you mind if I touch you?" he whispered, tense. "Is that ok?"

"It's fine." Black suppressed a shiver as soft fingertips continued to lightly explore. Just the feeling of N's skin against his own was pleasure in itself; his hands traveled without much purpose, it seemed, as if he were curiously examining him. But when a thumb brushed against a sensitive nipple, Black gasped and squirmed slightly.

"Does that feel good?" N asked, sounding more inquisitive than suggestive. In all honesty, it only made Black want more. He was suddenly determined to make the other boy sound more lustful, as if he were giving into desire. His pants were beginning to become tighter across his groin.

"H-Hah, yes..." he replied, trying not to sound too needy.

N delicately toyed with him, quite serious about finding how best to make Black shudder and hiss. He nearly started in surprise when Black reached behind him and slid his hand beneath N's clothes to grasp his hip.

"Black..." N whispered, his eyes shutting as he enjoyed the warmth of that hand. Moving closer still, he kissed Black's neck, gently nibbling here and there, and was eagerly encouraged by Black pulling his leg up over his waist so he could stroke N's thigh.

Leaving Black's chest, N slipped his hand down into the other's boxers to take hold of his growing erection.

Black just barely managed to contain his gasp. "N...! Wait..."

"I want you to put this inside me again," N breathed into Black's ear. "Right now."

Black gulped loudly. He had not expected N to go this far, to ask with the same stunning bluntness as the first time, but now with the desiring tone he had hoped to hear. It sent lust coursing through his veins like lava. It felt _so good_ having N's hand wrapped around him, and he wanted nothing more than to give his lover exactly what he wanted, but...

"N, we can't... We can't do this here..."

"Why not?"

"Because Cheren... he'll hear us..."

"So?"

Black faltered. "S-so... So that's... You just can't... N, oh god, please stop so I can _think_! Aah..!" N had started rubbing him slowly, and Black's hips bucked into the touch even as he pushed N's arm away. "You... You can't just h-have sex while someone can hear! It's r-rude and embarrassing!"

"I don't see why. We're only mating."

"Oh god..." Black buried his burning face in his hands. His unwavering lust was now clouding all logic, and he couldn't help but give in. "N, just... you _have _to remain quiet, okay? You _can't _let him hear us. He'd never let me live it down. Now let go and lay on your back befo... a-ahh! Please!" He heard N giggle playfully behind him as his erection was freed from his grasp.

While the smaller boy propped himself up on his knees and attempted to remove his clothing, N rolled over and slipped out of his pants quickly. He spread his legs instantly in a silent plead, bringing his hands to his mouth as he looked up at him.

"Black, I need you..." he implored, those blue-green eyes clouded over in longing. "Please..."

Black groaned softly as he knelt between N's legs, pulling those long limbs up to lay over his shoulders. "I love you," he whispered, quickly wetting his fingers and pressing one inside.

N stifled a whimper behind his hands, and Black realized with a jolt how unbelievably sexy it was to hear him like this. It felt wrong to be doing this with Cheren so close by, where at any moment his best friend could find them out, but he wanted N too badly to pass up this opportunity.

When N nodded his head urgently, Black pulled away his fingers and carefully entered him. Again he was assaulted by a muffled keening, and it took all his self-control to move slowly.

Tears streamed from the corners of N's eyes, but he thrust his hips up eagerly. Now Black had to firmly tell himself to be quiet, clenching his teeth against the sounds that threatened to give them away. Gripping N's waist firmly, he kept pumping gently in and out as his lover sobbed and writhed, needing more just as much as he did. But they couldn't afford to get carried away.

As Black angled himself just right with the spot he knew N craved, the green-haired boy squealed, unable to hold back. As much as he loved the sounds the other was making, Black was quick to hush him.

"N, shh, Cheren will hear!" he whispered into his ear before pumping faster, still making sure to brush against the same area again and again.

"I-I can't... I can't help... i- ahh!" N quickly clamped his hand over his mouth to prevent the automatic sounds from escaping. He had no control over his voice as pleasure shot through him, stars sparking over his vision and making his head swim. It was so different, now; the fear he experienced the first time they made love was melting quickly, and all he could think of now was how desperately he needed this. How much more he desired. How he felt like he simply could not get enough attention, enough _love _from the boy above him.

Outside of the tent, Cheren stirred in his sleep. He swore he heard someone say his name, but questioned it when he realized how exhausted he was. The boy sat up an listened closely to the sounds of the night; chirping of nocturnal pokemon, rustling of trees in the wind, and...

What was that?

Cheren listened closer, unable to distinguish its source in his half-awake daze... until he realized it was coming from Black's tent, and logic suddenly clicked. His face turned a deep shade of red as he couldn't help but listen in on what was happening. Though the sounds were hushed and muffled, there was no mistaking the cause of N's shrill, disjointed cries. A variety of emotions swam through Cheren's mind– embarrassment, disgust, indignance. He was about to get up and move his sleeping bag out of hearing range, ready to think up the most stinging lecture possible to shoot in Black's face in the morning, but then mingled with N's poorly hidden gasp came a low a familiar moan.

Cheren froze as a deep tingle ran through him. The reality of the situation finally sank in. Black and N were having sex in that tent. And from the way it sounded, Black was "on top," which really was no surprise. But they were right there, no doubt naked and tangled and grinding against each other in the throes of passion. This fact gripped Cheren's heart in an uncomfortable way.

Though it had been a couple years ago, there was no denying that he and Black had had.. a thing. It had not been really romantic, but as they grew into teenagers confined to their minuscule town, hormones and necessity had drawn them together, or so Cheren had succinctly put it. They had touched and kissed and explored some of the things their bodies were telling them to do, but to say they had been dating, or had anything other than a friendship would be more than the truth, at least from Black's standpoint. Eventually they had stopped their more intimate activities together, and without any awkwardness had returned to just being friends.

Cheren had believed himself to be over it. Though it had certainly been nice, kissing Black and touching Black and being pinned beneath him on his bed as hands and lips brought him so much pleasure, it was just something they had done together. His feelings for Black had not changed, but perhaps that was the problem. Deep down, he realized that part of his problem was envy. Even though they had both moved on to care about other people, Cheren did not like the thought that he could not be intimate with Black again. Those days of curious touches under the blankets were well and truly over, and somehow Black had leapt ahead of him in both battling strength and relationships.

Hearing Black now, enjoying himself so much with another's body, it hurt a little. But in a very different way, it felt humiliatingly good. He had always loved the sound of Black's moans. The things N was feeling now, being under the care of his very attentive new lover... Cheren envied him.

The boy noticed his erection now rubbing rather painfully against his sleep pants. He freed it from the waist band and wrapped a hand around the base, slowly rubbing along the shaft and along the ridges of the head. _God_, it felt good... it had been quite some time since he had allowed himself this sort of pleasure. He began pumping to the rhythm of the sounds of flesh meeting flesh, the hushed cries of the two boys sending waves of sensations down his spine. What he wouldn't give to have Black on top of him once more, kissing down his neck, fucking him with as much fervor as his body would allow... Cheren had to keep his hand clamped over his mouth to keep from moaning, himself.

Back inside the tent, Black was still fighting to stay in control. It was such delicious torture, moving slowly like this, having to keep quiet. But at the same time it was heady, stretching out their pleasure until every nerve ending was on fire with need. N looked close to losing his mind, and sweat dripped down Black's skin as he thrust long and deep, feeling like he might just pass out in this small tent full of hot, humid air.

Ragged gasps reached Cheren's ears like music as he jerked himself as fast as he could bear.

"Black... fuck me... please...!" he whispered into the cupped palm of his hand, so lost in his fantasy that he no longer cared about getting caught by the other two. The groans of the brown-haired boy only pushed him closer to his climax as he imagined it was his hand, not his own, that was rubbing him almost raw.

Cheren heard N give another yelp and he wondered what Black had done. His friend was nothing if not skilled in making his lovers come undone, and Cheren wondered if he could be credited for that. Black had had plenty of practice on him, after all...

Rolling onto his side and pressing his face into the sleeping bag, he let his hand drift behind him to rub against his entrance, slipping in one finger, then two...

Black leaned forward and pressed a kiss against the backs of N's hands, still pressed over his mouth. Lifting one away, N grasped his shoulder tightly and begged for release with his unfocused eyes.

"I know," Black panted. "I won't make you wait.. any longer." Reaching down, he stroked N's cock in time with his thrusts and smiled as his back arched up off the ground.

With one last strangled cry, N came hard onto his own stomach, and as his body tensed up, Black allowed himself a long groan as he followed.

Cheren knew what had happened. N was filled with Black's seed, probably satisfied from head to toe, and he had brought Black to completion. Barely able to bite back his own sounds, Cheren released as he remembered all the times before when he had seen and heard and felt Black orgasm. Shuddering and gasping, he slowly came down and removed his fingers from himself before reaching for his travel pack of tissues to clean up. There were no more sounds coming from the tent, and he could only hope he had not been heard.

The lone boy returned to his sleeping bag after cleaning himself up, his mind still buzzing from the incredible orgasm. He could barely think. Those slight feelings for Black that he had tried to bury had been dug back up, and he tried his best to suppress them once more. The other boy was so hopelessly in love with N, as hurtful as it was. But he thanked whatever god there was that he had been given the chance previously to be loved by him. Whatever became of the two, Cheren always had those memories. And, at that moment, they seemed to be enough. Falling asleep almost instantly after shutting his eyes, the boy fell into a restful slumber.

Collapsing next to N, Black pulled his lover close and held him tight. N nestled himself happily against the other's body, content and exhausted.

"How was that?" Black asked through heavy pants, still a bit out of breath from the whole ordeal.

"It was... perfect..." the other boy replied. "Thank you, Black. I... love you..."

"I love you too, N. Sweet dreams."

As his mind faded, Black wondered briefly if Cheren had heard them. He was too tired to fear the consequences, though, and without another thought, he followed N into sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

The next morning, as Black and N cleaned themselves up and got dressed, Black had the difficult task of making N promise that he would act as though nothing had happened last night. N did not understand why this was so important, but he promised solemnly.

"Thank you," Black whispered gratefully as he kissed N. As he was about to crawl out of the tent, however, N wrapped his arms around his waist and pressed his face into Black's stomach.

"You're not ashamed of being with me, are you?" he mumbled.

Wincing, Black patted N's head. "No, that's not it at all. It's just a private thing, ok? Humans are very private about.. about mating. It's hard to explain..."

N nodded slowly and released Black. "I'll trust you."

As the boy stepped outside, he saw Cheren packed up, fully dressed and ready to leave. His arms were crossed as they typically were, but when Black made eye contact, he turned slightly red and looked away.

"Sorry if you've been waiting, Cheren. N and I are kind of late sleepers." Cheren fought back a chuckle to himself. _Of course you'd be sleeping in late, considering what you two were doing last night... _he fought all urges to blurt such things out. The thought of the topic coming up almost made him blush harder. He just wanted to pretend it didn't happen and continue on.

"It's fine. Let's just go. I haven't spoken to Alder since my Xtransciever broke. He might be wondering about me."

"Right." Black nodded and looked back at N. "Are you ready?"

N got up from where he had been chatting amiably with a nearby Foongus. "Yes, I'm ready!"

As they headed out, Black breathed a silent sigh of relief. He did not think that Cheren knew about their activities in the tent, and so long as he could keep his two stubborn friends away from each others' throats, they may just be able to enjoy this last leg of their journey.

The three boys approached the entrance to the cave to Victory Road, N stopped. Black noticed him chewing on his lip nervously as he stared into the darkness.

"What's wrong, N?" N shrank back slightly, rubbing his arm in a nervous tic.

"Can't we just fly up the side of the cave?" he began quickly, his words jumbling up as they left his mouth, barely understandable. "The cave is just so long, and I don't really feel like walking so much, and the pokemon in there may not be as friendly as the ones out here that I'm used to talking to, so it might be awkward, and... and it's so... dark..." Black sighed and put his hand into the other boy's, holding tightly.

"The winds are way too strong up here, N. It wouldn't be safe to fly up. Are you afraid of the dark or something?" Black felt his hand squeezed firmly as N looked away, ashamed.

"Y-Yes..." he squeaked, almost inaudibly. The other boy smiled warmly; Cheren was growing impatient and leaned against a cobbled wall. It was so early, and he was being difficult already...

"It's okay, N! I'll hold your hand the whole time. I know you like holding my hand. And Cheren has a Litwick. I'm sure it'll brighten the cave up plenty! Is that okay?" A slight grin extended over the taller boy's face. His caring nature was addictive.

"Okay..." he nodded, and Cheren rolled his eyes.

"Can we _please _go now?" he implored, tired of this romantic display in front of him. Never before had he seen this devoted side of Black. It was much too banal for him, to the point where it made him uncomfortable.

N lingered as close to Black as possible as they walked through the damp cave system. Though it was sad to see him so on edge, Black could not help but think it was also quite adorable.

Cheren's Litwick left its trainer's shoulders and floated over to N, cooing cheerfully as it noticed his fear.

Smiling, N held up his free hand for it to land in and giggled at whatever it said. Black noticed that Cheren looked a little miffed, but said nothing.

"Cheren, your Litwick told me you are scared of the dark, too. Why didn't you tell me? I'm glad to know I'm not the only one!" N's voice had a slight mocking tone to it, however unintentional it was.

"What?" he bellowed, his voice echoing off the sides of the cave. "No, that's not true at all! Litwick, if you don't stop, you're going back into you're pokeball!" N took the creature from his shoulders and wrapped an arm around it.

"Don't yell at him!" N cried back, hugging it tightly. "Don't make him go back in that... that _thing_. It's cruel! And then, it would be dark, and we'd both be scared again..."

Cheren was fuming, horribly embarrassed for such a secret to be revealed. The thought of Black thinking less of him panged at his heart, the reason at the time unclear to him. His frustration was cooled when Black turned around and smiled at him.

"Don't worry about it, Cheren," he assured him. "I'm not too fond of it, either."

Cheren opened his mouth to try to defend his pride, but Black waved away any retort. "Come on, let's just all get along. You two don't have to fight about every little thing, ok?" He gave them both stern looks.

N nodded meekly, and Cheren huffed, turning away. Everyone jumped when booming laughter suddenly filled the cave.

"Looks like you have your hands full, Black!" An older man with wild red hair was coming down the stairs nearby, a big grin on his face.

"Alder!" Cheren said in surprise.

Unova's Champion chuckled and gave the young trainer's head a pat. "Good to see you again, boy!" His expression faltered slightly when he noticed N. "Ah.. N Harmonia. You've come back, have you?"

Black glanced at his lover to see the tall boy had pulled himself up to his full height, his regal facade firmly back in place. "At Black's request."

"_Really_ now? An interesting premise, indeed! A friend of Black's is always welcome to the pokemon league. Is that where you three are headed?" Black shrugged.

"N and I aren't really going anywhere in particular, just thought we'd tag along with Cheren. We might stop by N's old castle later." Alder gave a concerned look for a moment before smiling brightly and turning away.

"Still not ready to challenge me, ehh? No matter! You are still welcome to follow me back! I've just been exploring a bit. Not many takers for the spot of champion lately, you see. Come on, I'll make you boys something to eat!"

The three hurriedly accepted Alder's hospitality as they followed him through the caves, Cheren and N feeling much safer now that the man was present to quell their fears. It was not long until they saw sunlight once more.

Visibly relaxing now that he was out of the cave, N went to the edge of the steep ravine and looked across the vast view of Unova.

"Lovely, isn't it?" Alder said to him.

"It's still so amazing to me," N murmured almost absently. "That the world can be so big. So _real_. I could just reach out and touch it... I never imagined it to be like this. I don't ever want to live inside a box again." He turned to Black. "I won't have to, will I? Not everyone lives inside a house... right?"

Though he felt a little uncomfortable saying something so intimate in front of others, Black nodded. "We don't necessarily need to live in a house. We can just keep traveling and stay in a tent if that's what you want. I don't mind camping at all."

Alder chuckled. "Take it from me, boys. Camping is the way to live. But for now, you're all welcome inside the Champion's villa for dinner!"

Cheren and Alder continued on up the road, but for a few more moments, the other two stayed where they were.

"You really mean that? You would go that far just for me?" N asked, looking almost awed.

"Of course." Making sure that no one was looking, Black quickly leaned up for a kiss. "Because I love you, you know. Now come on, let's go."

* * *

><p>Alder made tea as he heated a large bowl of stew on his stove, the smell of vegetables and spices filling the home. The other three boys sat rather quietly at the low table in his adjacent dining room. They sipped on glasses of water while they waited.<p>

"Black," N whispered to ensure Alder didn't overhear. "Do you think Alder is making us sweet rolls?" Cheren pretended he did not hear him; Black bit back a laugh.

"No, N... he's making us something good! Not everything has to be sweet, you know. Be sure to eat it all, okay? It's polite." N pouted childishly at his lack of promise. The brown-haired boy wondered how N could live only on sweet foods.

Alder came in shortly after, carrying bowls and returning once more with hot tea. He grinned as he sat down with the boys.

"Okay, you three! This is one of my favorites. Fresh ingredients, right from the top of this mountain we're on! Marshall has a garden behind his villa, but don't let him know I told you. He wouldn't be too pleased. Likes to keep up the tough-guy act, you know. Go on, don't be shy! Try it!"

"It's good!" N exclaimed after drinking some of the thick strew.

"Does it have pokemon meat in it, may I ask?" Cheren joked snidely. Alder laughed, but N grew very pale.

"Cheren!" Black snapped before turning to N, who looked ready to be sick. "He was joking, N! Joking! None of this is pokemon meat. Right, Alder?"

"Of course not!" Alder was still chuckling a bit. "Though some would argue that pokemon meat is a delicacy, I just can't even bring myself to try it. Pokemon are friends, they aren't meant to be eaten by us."

"Don't even assume that Alder would eat pokemon meat." Cheren looked offended by the very thought. "Only villains would do something so horrendous. _Obviously_ I was joking."

"See?" Black was relieved to see colour return to N's face.

N nodded slowly. "Good. That's good."

After Alder had quickly finished his meal, he tapped Black on the shoulder, motioning to the hallway.

"Black, would you mind if I had a word with you?" he asked, his voice more stern than the other boy was used to.

"Umm, yeah, sure. I'll be right back, guys." As the two left the table, Cheren looked over at N, who was cheerfully eating his food without a word.

* * *

><p>"Black," Alder stated as he closed the door to the room they had entered behind him. "I want to talk to you about something." Black sat down on a side chair, sighing nervously.<p>

"Is it about N?" he asked, expecting as much. Alder, too, sighed as he leaned against the wall, crossing his arms.

"Black, I don't know why you've decided to travel with him. I'm sure you have your reasons, but it might be uns-"

"I love him," he blurted out, his expression unwavering. Alder's eyes widened.

"Is that what this is about? 'Love?' My goodness, I don't know what to say to that..." The older man put his hand to his chin, reflecting deeply.

"I know it might sound ridiculous to you, but that's how I feel," the boy explained. "It probably makes no sense... falling for someone so unlike anyone else. But I can't help what I feel." A slight, unexpected grin widened over Alder's face and he chuckled.

"No, no, I won't question your feelings. It doesn't matter how ridiculous it sounds to others, if it feels right. I just... I can't help but worry for you." Black stood up out of his chair quickly and scowled. He had struck a nerve. He opened his mouth to speak, but Alder waved his hand.

"Calm down," he said simply. "I just wanted to give you advice, from experience, and you can choose to accept it or ignore it. Either way, Black, you have to know that that boy has some dark secrets. Some people are damaged or distant, and as hard as it is to resist being drawn to them, you just have to be careful. I don't want to see you getting hurt, is all."

"Thank you for your concern. But I won't get hurt." Black sighed. "N is the one... you should be worried about. He's harmless, but he's also defenseless. He puts on this charade of being strong and aloof, but he's so sensitive and innocent." He shook his head. "It's not something you could understand."

"I understand that he is _that man's_ son, and that's enough to be able to fit the pieces together, I should think." Noticing Black's confused look, he elaborated. "I knew Ghetsis for a while when we were both about N's age. It took me much too long to admit it to myself, but even then he was a monstrous sociopath. Imagining him raising a child... well, the result is right before us. But that's also why I'm concerned. Suffering at the hands of that man all his life... N can't have come away from it as innocent as you think. And some things are just genetic."

Black stared at him for a moment, startled at what the man was implying. Most people who came in contact with N just thought him to be a bit odd or naive, but Alder was certainly not fooled. He couldn't help but ask...

"Alder... why do you think-" The boy corrected himself. Denying this any longer would be stupid of him. "_How _do you know these things?"

Alder sighed. "Like I said, I knew his father when we were young. And that man has only proven himself to be more inhumanly evil as time goes by." Rubbing his chin, he began to pace around the room. "I don't want to burden you with my musings, but if you intend to be with N, perhaps it's best you know as much as you can."

Black felt an odd creeping in his stomach, and realized he had began gripping the arms of the chair tight enough to hurt his fingers. "Like what..?"

"Well, for one thing, N really does know nothing of the real world. How it works and how to live in it. The model of reality in his head is what Ghetsis specifically shaped and put in there. And Ghetsis.. brilliant man though he is, is nothing short of insane. N may seem fine right now, though a little off, but that doesn't mean that something insignificant to us couldn't set him off into a horrible misunderstanding." Alder stopped and turned to Black. "Boy, I can see how much you love him. And I don't want to get between you two. It was always obvious that you had a wonderful effect on him, and I'm sure you're nothing short of an angel in his life. But don't forget where he comes from, nor the man who raised him. That's not a stain that will ever wash out."

Nodding slowly, Black had to admit he had a point. "I realize that. But I'll deal with whatever comes."

Their eyes met for a long moment, and in the end, Alder nodded. "You're a strong boy, of that much I'm certain. Just don't let this run you down. You're young still, with your whole life ahead of you."

Black chuckled and stood up. "I'm not sure anymore if you sound like Cheren or Cheren sounds like you."

Alder laughed and slapped Black's back. "Oh, that boy. I think I can see how you got to be so grounded, growing up with an old wife like him!"

The comment made the boy laugh as he left the room. He greatly appreciated Alder's honesty, almost more so the light air he carried with him. It was a nice contrast to Cheren's intensity, and N's... well, guileless attitude towards everything. As much as he loved him, it could be tiring to keep up with at times...

Returning to the dining room to find Cheren and N heatedly discussing physics, Black sat back down as Alder collected the bowls.

"Would any of you like dessert?" Alder asked with a large grin. "Shauntal made us all cake, but there is no way I can eat all of-"

"Me!" N cheered as he raised his hand. "I'd like some, please!"

Black sighed contently. Despite those many moments where the older boy was sobbing into his arms or asking him loaded questions, these little moments where N was happy weighed much more heavily in his mind. They certainly weren't common, but somehow, this just made them slightly more sweet. He would heed the advice of those around him. But that feeling he got, that indescribable fluttering in his chest when he saw N smile... there was no way he could even consider abandoning him.

Somehow, that smile made it all worth it to him.


	13. Chapter 13

After dinner, Black pulled N away from another brewing argument with Cheren. "Do you want to visit your castle, now?" he asked quietly.

N swallowed, but after a moment of thought he nodded.

"Alright." Turn to Cheren and Alder, Black spoke up. "N and I are going down to see N's castle. We might be a while, so don't worry if we're not back by dark."

Cheren did not look pleased, but Alder shrugged. "That's fine. The police have long since taken all the evidence they need, so I doubt you could do any harm in there. Just be careful."

"Got it." Taking N's hand, Black led them down into the desert behind the Pokemon League where the massive palace still stood. Tattered yellow police tape was still hanging around, but they were able to slip under it easily and climb through a shattered window.

The halls were dusty and much more drab than Black had remembered. Paper peeling, sun-bleached from destruction of abandon and decay. Much of the furniture was either missing or broken; probably from vandalism. Black remembered there being quite a backlash after the truth had emerged. Angered trainers who had released their pokemon demanded retribution. The police had tried keeping them out of the castle, but a few still managed, breaking valuable evidence and stealing. _Such a shame_, Black thought to himself. There was a chill in the air from the wind blowing through cracked windows and shattered balcony doors.

As they approached N's room, Black felt his hand clamp more tighly around his own.

"Are you okay, N?" he asked. "We don't have to go in. I don't want to upset y-"

"No, I... I missed my room, and I really want to play with you, Black. I'm just... a little scared." Black placed his hand on the doorknob.

"I'm here, N. There is nothing to be afraid of."

When N nodded slowly, Black opened the door and they stepped in. For a moment they were met with only darkness, but automatically N found the light switch and flipped it. The room lit up, and from somewhere a music box began to play.

Though covered in dust, it remained unchanged from the first and last time Black had seen it. Perhaps the vandals had been too disturbed to touch this place? Black could understand if that was the case. It looked like the perfect child's room at first, but upon closer inspection, the distortions became apparent. Only one basketball hoop, an unused skateboard ramp that was too steep, the door with only a lock on the outside, and posters of complicated fractals on the back wall. Last but not least– not a single window. The glaringly bright colours and too-slow tinkling music began to paint a nightmarish picture, and Black felt his stomach turn even more than it had back then. This place was worse than a jail cell, he could not help but think.

Looking up at N, Black tried to decipher his blank stare, but was unable to. After a long moment, N let go of Black's hand and walked farther into the room. Without a sound, he knelt down in the center of the wrecked train set, but did nothing more. Stomach rolling again, Black shut the door behind him and stepped over to N.

"Do you want to leave?"

N shook his head jerkily. "I just realized.." he said with a fragile laugh. Looking back over his shoulder, he smiled at Black with tears threatening to spill down his cheeks. "I don't know how to play with other people."

Taking a deep breath, Black sat down and pulled N into his arms. "That's ok. We'll learn as we go along." He was not talking just about playing.

Both boys picked up their own train piece. N was first to place it along the bent, dusty track, pushing it up the connected plastic slope. Black hesitantly placed his along another piece and pushed it back and forth, unsure of what to do. He was a bit uncomfortable here, playing in a vastly abandoned castle, on a broken train set, alone sans the one other individual in the world he felt like he cared about. It was almost ironic, or symbolic, or at least significant. For a moment, it made Black wonder if he was somehow dooming himself, falling for such a damaged person. He hated all forms of failure; was this self-sabotage? Setting himself up for failure? Was his subconscious doing this to him on purpose? Was this all some sort of elaborate plan made up in his mind to break him down, disguised as affection?

"Black..." a concerned voice murmured, snapping him out of his daze. "Why did you stop?"

The dark haired boy looked down and noticed he had stopped moving his train set.

"Uhh.. Sorry, N." Black rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "I was kinda lost in thought for a moment."

N scooted closer, rolling his train along until it bumped lightly into Black's. "What were you thinking about?"

"Nothing important. I'll pay attention." He paused. "It must have been so lonely here, day in and day out."

"I had my pokemon friends. Unless Father wanted me to be alone. Sometimes I was bad and he had to punish me."

Black flinched, but moved on. "Were you at least allowed to walk around the castle?"

N shook his head. "Not unless Father wanted me to go somewhere else. I was allowed outside sometimes, though! There was a dense garden in the back. If I was really good, my friends and I could stay out there for a while." The green-haired boy picked up the train and nervously spun the wheels. "Sometimes I thought about running away. Well, dreamed about it, really, because I knew better; I was never stupid like that, but I might have done some stupid things, which is why I usually wasn't allowed out of my room, and why I deserved to be punished, because kings are never supposed to cry and are always supposed to listen and to never question anything that people in authority tell them, no matter what, no matter what any-"

Black placed his hand on N's to stop him from chattering so idly. The older boy's hand froze, and a tear fell down his cheek.

"I'm sorry... this place is just bringing up a lot of... strange feelings..." Black chewed on his lip as he quickly fought to come up with something to cheer him up. He was afraid of this happening.

"Then how about we go somewhere that brings up good feelings?" he asked, rubbing N's hand to calm him down. "How about the garden? I'm sure you have plenty of good memories there!" N went quiet for a moment before speaking.

"I'd really... like to go to my mother's room, if that's okay. I only got to visit once after she disappeared, and I got caught pretty quickly."

"Of course we can go there." Black stood up with N and followed him back out into the hall. They walked through the lavish corridors for a long while, and Black was impressed by how well N remembered where to go.

At last he stopped before a door, and did not move. Black wondered what to do for a moment before cautiously stepping forward and trying the handle. It was locked.

"Do you want me to break the door?" he asked, thinking that it certainly looked fragile enough.

N said nothing for a moment before nodding.

Black sized up the door, then delivered a well-placed kick as hard as he could. Painful vibrations shot up his leg, but the door swung inward.

Letting N go first, Black slowly followed. It was a large room, with delicate lace and floral patterns everywhere. Black's first impression was that it was the kind of room that belonged to a very gentle and kind person. He did not fail to notice that like N's room, there was a keyhole lock only on the outside of the door, and there were no windows. Another pretty cage.

N wandered around, peering through the thick layers of dust at various embroidery projects laying about the fancy furniture, and watercolour paintings of flowers and pokemon. Eventually he sat down at the vanity and looked through the drawers and jewelry boxes.

Feeling extremely out of place, Black considered leaving the room when N called to him, holding up an ornate picture frame.

"Look, Black! It's Mother and Father when they were young!"

"Oh?" Undeniably interested, Black headed over and looked at it. Standing in the old photo was a beautiful young girl with wild, tea green hair and the same kind of soft, blank expression N wore so often, while next to her was a much younger Ghetsis, his expression as haughty as ever. "You look just like her, N. She's very lovely. Were they..." Was this term even possible to use with Ghetsis in the mix? "Childhood sweethearts?"

"No, they were siblings. The last two Harmonias left in the bloodline."

It took several moments for this information to sink into Black's head. "Wait... _siblings_..? But this is your mother and father..."

"Yes." N cocked his head to the side. "Why are you so pale suddenly?"

Black opened his mouth, then closed it, rethinking. There was no delicate way to handle this, and he wondered if he should even bother telling N that incest was wrong and disgusting and that it was miraculous that he was alright in spite of it. Looking back at the empty-eyed girl in the photograph, Black wondered how and why she had died (even if N thought she had just disappeared), and what kind of life she had lived. It was no stretch of the imagination to picture her misery at Ghetsis's hands, especially when knowing N's.

Deciding to put it behind them, Black took the frame from N and opened it up.

"What are you doing?" N exclaimed when Black began tearing the photograph down the middle. His protests faded when he was handed back the half which now only contained his mother. He looked like he wanted to say something more, but he did not.

"I know this may sound harsh, or impossible, but N... I want you to forget those memories of your father. I don't care how long it takes you. I will help you, N. I will do whatever it takes. I want you to have nothing but happy memories. It's impossible, I know, but... I want to give you as many good memories as I can, to ease... hell, to _erase_ all those bad ones." Crumpling up his half, Black stuffed it into his pocket to destroy later. He pointed to the photo N now held in his hands.

"I want you to carry with you, okay, N?" he continued. "Remember all those times with her, and me, and your pokemon friends. I _know _it's hard, but I feel like any little effort is going to help you. Is that too much to ask of you? I'd understand if you said yes..."

N contemplated the question for a moment as he stared at the photo of his mother. His eyes were still hazed over with tears, but a distant smile was growing across his cheeks. Black detected very little sorrow as he eyed the portrait.

"I'll try, Black. I really want to try. I like the feeling I get when I think about her..." Black smiled with him.

"I'm glad." N delicately folded up the picture and put it in his pocket. After looking over her room for one last moment, he headed towards the door.

"Can we visit the gardens now, Black?" N asked, his mood considerably brighter. Black nodded in agreement.

"Sure! The front steps are pretty messed up, though. Do you know a back exit?"

"Uh-huh! Let's go!" Grasping Black's hand once more, the two set out down the long hallway once more, passing door after door that lined the walls. The doorways that had been opened revealed only empty rooms. Black couldn't help but wonder what they had been used for.

Before they reached a stairway, N halted in front of a lavish, closed door that stood higher than the others. He let go of Black's hand and stared, his eyes widened in awe.

"N, is everything okay?" the brown-haired boy inquired.

Without answering, N opened the door and strode inside.

Confused and concerned, Black followed. This was by far the most extravagant room he had ever seen, with every last inch covered in gold and silver and silk and gem stones. It was huge and gaudy and it did not take a genius to guess who it had belonged to. Feeling somewhat ill, Black watched N slowly move about, looking but never touching. Then at last he stopped at the bed, almost carefully reaching down to brush his fingers against the velvet comforter. He began to shake.

"N?" Black whispered, walking over to him. "Are you alright?"

Just as he touched N's shoulder, the older boy jumped back in fright, as though he had forgotten Black was there. His eyes were wild with a sudden terror, and he hunched over, one hand clamped over his mouth and his other arm wrapped around his stomach.

Alarmed, Black reached out again, but this time N shrieked.

"Don't touch me!" Stumbling back, he ran into the bedside table, knocking a long red candle in an ornate candelabra over. When N caught sight of it, even more blood drained from his face. In the next instant he had bolted from the room.

That sick feeling in Black's stomach grew ten-fold as he chased after him. God, how could he let him go into that room? He should've known... the boy mentally kicked himself for his cluelessness. He caught a glimpse of N's bedroom door slamming shut and quickly ran towards it. _Please don't be crying, please don't be crying..._

Black cracked the door open slowly to prevent scaring the other boy further. But as he listened in, he noticed that N was not scared. He was not bawling, as expected. As he heard a loud snap of plastic cracking, it was now perfectly clear that he was seeing a side of N he had never seen before.

The boy stepped in silently, closing the door behind him softly enough to barely make a creak. Black said nothing as he watched N destroy everything he thought he had held dear to him. Throwing his trains against the wall until they broke into small pieces. Kicking every stuffed toy, ball, and play track he could find as he screamed, tears rolling down his face as his expression was frozen in utter anguish and anger. Block towers that stood after all this time knocked to the floor with one fluid motion, savagely punted across the cloudy carpet and scattered throughout his childhood prison.

The tinkering music from the music box suddenly became very obvious to Black as he saw N walk towards it. The older boy picked it up and listened for a brief moment before throwing it, the hinges snapping and its contents littering amongst the other broken toy pieces. The music wavered, then slowed, and ceased.

And then, it was silent, as N eye's met Black's across the room, with more pain than he had ever remembered seeing before.

Bawling, panting, completely out of breath, N looked down to the floor and noticed a faint red blood stain, forcing all the memories he fought to ignore, to forget, back into his mind like a hard blow to the head. He collapsed to his knees in bitter sobs, running his fingers through his hair and pulling until his scalp burned.

Black stared with a mixture of horror and despair. "N.. Stop. Stop..! N, STOP IT!" Rushing over, Black pinned N to the floor with his whole body and held his wrists down on either side of his thrashing head. N screamed and kicked hysterically, but Black shouted over him.

"CALM DOWN! N, IT'S ME! I'M NOT GOING TO HURT YOU! JUST CALM DOWN BEFORE YOU HURT YOURSELF! N! OPEN YOUR EYES! LOOK AT ME! _LOOK AT ME_!"

As if a switch had been turned off, N went still and looked up at Black like he had woken up for the very first time. "I'm sorry, Black," he whispered. "I really tried to forget, but..." His eyes narrowed, looking pained. "It was all a lie..."

"You're right, N. You're right. Now please, just listen to me! Nothing anyone has ever done to you would make me care less about you. _Nothing_. I don't care if you have scars; I don't want you to be ashamed about _anything_. You are perfect to _me_, N. That is all that matters. I don't care what that bastard told you. None of it is true. I love you, not your past or who someone else thinks you are. _You_. Do you understand?" Black was breathing heavily, wrestling with the taller boy proving difficult for such a smaller-bodied person. He wanted to talk until his voice gave out... anything to reassure N. He fought back tears from gathering along his eyelids as he looked down at the boy he loved.

"N sniffled and shook his head. "I _don't_ understand. How can you love me when I'm so flawed? All the times I couldn't please Daddy.. I was too weak, too stupid... I cried and defied him and was never able to fully submit like he wanted. Sometimes I was too tight, or I didn't respond well, and I was always such a coward when he punished me... I'll certainly disappoint you." N looked away as if ashamed. "The only one who was nice enough to love me was Daddy... he put up with me, told me he loved me, even after all those years of being so bad... and all I was was ungrateful. What makes you think I won't be ungrateful with your 'love,' Black?"

Black relaxed his hold on N and sat up. "N, if you are still convinced that is love, then I want you to do it to me."

N suddenly looked confused and slightly bewildered as Black stood up. "H-Huh...?"

"If what he did to you was love, you should have no problem doing it to me." N shakily stood up on his feet, still trembling.

"But Black... I'm afraid I'll hurt you..."

"I doubt he even considered that. Now show me."

N hesitated for a long moment, his limbs continuing to shake as he looked deep in thought. Then suddenly, without warning, Black felt long fingers wrap around his neck as he was shoved violently against the wall. Stars dotted his vision as his skull cracked against the paneling. As those spindly digits started to constrict his windpipe, the boy suddenly felt a rush of terror, trapped, his fight-or-flight response maddeningly on edge. He squirmed, but the grip only tightened, and his breaths squeaked out of his constricted neck in high squeaks.

"Your flaws are a disgrace," N stated coldly; Black could only detect a hint of annoyance in his otherwise stoic facade. "I only do this out of love, N. Because I want you to be perfect, like I know you can be." A free hand traveled between his legs and toyed with the belt buckle. As much as Black assured himself that this was N, someone he cared deeply for, someone who would never intentionally hurt him... the blatant fear was still coursing through his veins, and he only writhed harder.

His belt was halfway free when N stopped, quaking harder. Then tears fell as if a faucet had been turned on as he fell to his knees, sobbing once more.

"I... can't do this...!" he cried. "I don't _want _to do this...!" Black knelt down to him, his heart still pumping madly from adrenaline. He couldn't _imagine_ being placed in that position at any other time, expecting the punishment, the pain... he felt that he was only beginning to understand the extent to which he was damaged.

"You said it yourself, N. It was all a lie. Do you know why you couldn't hurt me? Because your feelings are sincere. The things he asked of you were abusive and evil. It wasn't love, so you weren't ungrateful. You were being deceived, and used. I believe that love is selfless, N. If you love me, even though you might not understand that emotion, that's all there needs to be."

N stared tiredly off to the side, and Black hope he had heard. "What am I supposed to do?" he whispered after a long silence. "My whole life.. I don't know where to begin, now."

"You already have. It started when you flew off on Reshiram after opening your eyes and throwing away the shackles Ghetsis put on you. And now you're with me. I'll be right with you every step of the way. Whatever you need, whatever you want, I'll try to be that for you."

N looked up at him. "I still don't understand why you chose me, but... thank you, Black..."

"I love you. There's no need to thank me." Laying down next to N, he absently rubbed his neck and tried not to focus on the anger that threatened to bubble over inside him. He reached down and began to fasten his belt back up when a hand was placed over his.

"Don't," N said softly as he sat up, pulling the belt away and undoing Black's pants.

"N... What are you doing?" Despite his uncertainty, Black held still as N slid his hand down into his underwear.

"Initiating sex," was N's simple reply.

Fighting the urge to smack his own forehead, Black shuddered when N began stroking him. "Here? Now?"

N slowly nodded and with his free hand pulled down his own pants before straddling Black's waist. "Here. Now."

"I don't know if I can-" Black was silenced by N's soft lips pressing against his own. For a moment, it was sweet, and the younger boy felt his heart melt. But they suddenly turned feverish, and the boy struggled to find air as the other's tongue practically forced his lips apart. A warm flush of crimson overtook his face; he was hardening almost instantly. A part of him felt this was wrong somehow... but judging by N's eager ambitions, he assured himself it was some sort of strange healing process.

N moaned and stroked Black's cock quickly as the boy beneath him pushed up his shirt.

"I want to have this last memory here," N murmured, rubbing their erections together. "A truly good memory."

Rocking his hips up into N's, Black smiled. "I understand."

The boy on top wasted little time pulling back and bringing Black's hardness to his mouth, bobbing his head quickly as he flicked his tongue down the sensitive ridge along the back. He took no time to build up speed; instead, he sucked as hard and fast as he could manage, only wanting to prepare him for things to come. Pleasure was only an afterthought. Black didn't know this, judging by the voluminous moans coming from his own mouth.

Clutching N's hair, Black gasped and groaned. "Oh god... N, please... It's t-too much..!"

Sitting up again, N cried out as he took Black inside himself. He winced in pain, but took no time to adjust before moving.

"N..!" Black hissed and arched up. "What are you..? You'll hurt yourself!"

Shaking his head, N threaded his fingers through Black's and held on tight as he thrust up and down. "F-feels good..!" he panted. "So good... Black...!"

N continued to rock himself at a frenzied pace against the boy under him, crying out whenever he felt his cock reach the hilt. Black tried to concentrate on the pleasure, attempting to assure himself that N needed this; his cries almost sounded pained and it worried him. Still, what he was doing with his hips, rolling onto him with every thrust... it was near maddening.

Laying on the cloud-patterned floor in this wrecked and abandoned cell, Black watched his lover sob and moan, his cock throbbing.

"Let me touch you, N," he pleaded, pulling one hand away from N's. Black rubbed the tip of his erection and groaned as N nearly screamed.

"Black..! O-oh! If.. If you do that.. I can't... I can't...!"

"Try to... hold back..." Black panted as he let his hands travel up the other boy's chest, exploring every inch with his fingertips. "I want you... to feel good, N..."

As he traveled over his chest and brushed against sensitive nipples, he felt N's body squirm above him as he continued to wail. The feeling of his skin was almost addicting, smooth with a slight sheen of sweat... he was getting _so _close... almost unconsciously, Black's hands grabbed N's ass firmly and set the pace, tearing his body against his own with impassioned fervor.

N faltered as Black's movements caused his pleasure center to be hit dead on. Bracing himself on the brunet's chest, he picked up the pace, all pain and discomfort forgotten.

"I can't hold back..!" he gasped out. "It's so good! So good! AAH!"

Throwing his head back against the floor, Black arched up into N's writhing body, his fingers digging into the boy's soft flesh. He opened his mouth to warn N that he could hold on no longer, but all that came out was a loud cry as he fell over the edge.

Stiffening, N keened as he felt Black release inside him. Mere moments later, his body shuddered violently as he followed, collapsing on top of Black.

They laid still for a long moment. N took solace in hearing the beating of Black's heart as he rested his head on his chest, beating rapidly before slowly returning to normal. He smiled; something about that sound comforted him. Perhaps it was the solace in knowing this wasn't a dream, that he was real, laying with him in a room he viewed only as a prison his entire life. Finally, it was something more. Finally, there were more memories here that he could reflect on and smile about.

N finally realized that Black was the only one he ever wanted. No one else mattered to him, and no one else ought to matter to Black.

And with that thought, N fell asleep.


	14. Chapter 14

Days, weeks, finally months passed since that night. When the boys returned to the company of their friends, N acted differently. He smiled more, laughed more, but for some reason, Black could not tell if they were genuine. There was something about that look in his eyes; more dreamy, almost like he had been drugged. N no longer cried, which was a refreshing change of pace. But Black could not help but wonder why. Wonder if this was healthy. Wonder if N even had feelings for him anymore.

They continued to have sex. Black wasn't sure if could be called 'making love.' N would almost demand it, daily, regardless of where they were or their plans. While the younger boy enjoyed these nights, something about it was different, and he couldn't pinpoint exactly what had changed.

After four months of battling wild pokemon, seeking advice from Alder and occasionally Cheren, Black decided that he wished to obtain the title of Champion. It had been a childhood dream that had gotten lost as he struggled to find himself. With N finally at his side - albeit slightly distant - he realized that it was a position he could see himself holding happily. And judging by Alder's passing comments, the older man would not mind a break from the sometimes grueling job.

With this decision, Black brought up the subject one morning as he and N ate breakfast outside their tent currently set up in White Forest.

"So I was thinking," he began, hoping that N would be understanding. "That it's time I go challenge Alder. I feel ready, and I believe I just might be able to be Champion."

N set down his cup of tea, looking only as though he was considering those words carefully. "But aren't you the Champion already, really?"

"What?"

"I defeated Alder. And then you defeated me. You should have been capable of being Champion at that time."

Black chuckled, realizing his point. "That's probably true. But it wasn't the strength part that I've been training for all these months. I worked hard to be able to beat you in battle, and my team and I were strong enough to do it. But mentally.. emotionally.. I wasn't prepared to be Champion. It never even crossed my mind back then. Then after that, I was still so obsessed with you that I didn't care. Now that I finally feel like my life is in order, like I can find a goal for myself, I want to do this. Properly."

Leaning back on his hands, Black continued. "After you left and things started to settle down, Alder did offer to name me Champion, but the bigwigs running the Pokemon League said that without the proper ceremonies and whatever, it wasn't official. And I turned down Alder's offer to try to get them to change their minds. I wasn't ready for that kind of commitment."

N fiddled with a few blades of grass. "Why do you want it so much, now? What is the point of being Champion?"

"It's just.." Sighing, Black slumped forward again. "To prove my own strength, my capability. I probably won't even be Champion for long. Cheren is catching up to me; he's sure to kick me right back out before I can even settle down in the position. I just don't want to upset you. Please try to understand that this is what I want to do. My pokemon also want this, as you should well know."

Biting his lower lip, N turned away.

"I want to do some training on Victory Road. With trainers. Just to test my abilities. Battling trainers is different than wild pokemon. I have to be prepared; Alder has had lots of experience. I want you to come, N, but if you really have an objection to this... you don't have to, I guess."

"I don't ever want to leave you, Black," N said softly. "You make me happy..." Black smiled and put his hand on the other's shoulder, and N turned to him.

"I'm glad to hear that, N. If you don't want to watch the battles, that's fine. I'd just really like for you to come with me. Maybe I'll fight Cheren, and beat him!" Black poked him and N laughed. The warm expression on his face eased the tension. "I'm sure you'd be as happy about that as _I _would be! Now come on and finish your hot cakes. We've got a long road ahead of us!"

Later, having packed up their camp, the couple flew off to Victory Road.

"Do you want to wait out here?" Black asked N as they approached the cave system.

N shook his head and latched onto Black's sleeve. "I'm staying with you."

As fond as he was of N's clingy behavior, in the back of his mind, Black worried about it a little. But now was not the time to be thinking of such things. "Alright, then. Here, I brought my Chandelure." Black summoned the pokemon from its designated ball before heading into the cave, their path now lit by its gentle purple glow.

It did not take long before Black found another trainer exploring the depths of the cave; a well-dressed trainer approached him, introducing himself as David and asking if he'd be interested in battling. Black wholeheartedly agreed to the challenge; N decided to sit on the side and watch idly.

After the trainer released a Darmanitan into battle, Black chose his Stoutland. The large dog-like creature roared as it was released from its ball, standing merely a few inches short of the opponent's pokemon. Its ferocious howl startled the fire-type, which flinched slightly.

Battling was one of the things Black was best at. It came naturally to him, and it was an undeniable fact that the connection he was able to forge with his pokemon was powerful and flawless; trainer and fighter moving as though they could read each other's minds. It was what had caught N's attention in the first place. It had drawn him to the young boy and been the ultimate blow to his naive Truth. Though he hated battling, watching Black with his pokemon was something he secretly enjoyed. It was like they were at play, comfortable in their element, and together they proved to be too skilled for the other trainer. Defeat came quickly and cleanly.

The trainer shook his hand as he reached into his pocket for some money.

"Good job, man. Here's a few bucks." The young man handed Black several bills. Black smiled and turned to N, who had gotten up and stood next to him.

"Look, N! I can buy us a nice dinner tonight!" he said, attempting to cheer N up. The older boy did not seem noticeably upset, but his apathetic front spoke almost as much as any smile or frown would. "We can go to tha-"

"N?" another voice echoed off the cave walls, as another trainer stepped into the light of Black's Chandelure. It was another male trainer; young looking, but considerably larger than any of the other young men. "N Harmonia? That guy from Team Plasma? Is that _you_?"

N hid behind Black's back, feeling intimidated by the two sets of eyes now on him.

"Hey, it _is _him!" David, the previous battle opponent, exclaimed as he ripped the money out of Black's hands. "I'm not giving you anything if you're going to spend it on this bastard. His crazy cult made me release one of my most beloved pokemon!"

"Team Plasma grunts _killed _one of my pokemon!" the other trainer shouted. "You lied to everyone, telling them you were fighting for the better of the world... you _killed_ my Sandile!"

Black held his arm out to shield N from any possible retaliation.

"Back off," he said sternly. "That was in the past. Things have changed."

"'Changed,' eh?" The trainer scoffed. "That man who told us all to release our pokemon escaped, and now the king of Team Plasma is walking around a free man with no justice served. I have friends whose pokemon still have not been found after they were released!"

"Maybe they didn't want to come back, then!" N retorted. Black quickly shushed him.

"None of this is N's fault. He was brainwashed like the rest of you. Don't make him the scapegoat for your inability to hold true to your own feelings for you pokemon. If you understand them so well, don't you think you would have known that they wanted to stay with you?"

"What?" the larger trainer roared, forcefully grabbing Black by the collar of his shirt. He pulled his fist back in warning. "How _dare _you say that, you-"

In what felt like a blur, Black felt the hand grasping him let go as the man fell to the ground. A taller, thinner body was over top of the trainer, slamming into him with balled fists. The young man being assaulted cried out in pain as blows to his chest and face rained down relentlessly. It took Black several moments of focusing before he realized that it was N.

"N! Stop!" Black screamed, grabbing onto his shoulder and attempting to pull him off of the helpless man. "STOP! What are you doing?"

Even as he tore N from the body below him, he continued punching until he was out of reach. Black held his arms back as the green-haired boy continued to lean towards him; it was as if wasn't finished, as if he needed more.

"No one touches Black!" N shouted, his voice unwavering and filled with rage. There was no hint of empathy, no question of his dedication. He was undeniably furious.

"Calm down, N! You can't just react violently like that!" Black held onto the livid, thrashing boy tightly.

"I won't let anyone hurt Black!" N screeched, kicking out at the trainer being helped up by the other. "He's mine, you can't touch him!"

Handing N over to the Chandelure that continued to hold him back, Black glared at their accusers. "If you don't even know the whole story, you have no business blaming anyone but your own gullibility."

Wiping his bloody lip, the older boy spat. "Aren't you supposed to be the one that brought down Team Plasma? Now you're fraternizing with the enemy? And what, you gonna try to be Champion, now? As if any trainer in Unova will accept you in that position you don't deserve."

Black realized there was no use arguing; it would only make the situation worse, and would most likely bother N even more. He motioned to his Chandelure to follow him as he walked past them and down another dark corridor of the cave. The other trainers continued to heckle him, but he ignored their words. It would just stir up more emotion.

After walking for a few minutes, N had calmed down. Black's pokemon released his grip on the boy and he fell to the floor. N crossed his arms and narrowed his hazy eyes. He held an expression Black couldn't quite decipher.

"N," he said firmly as he bent down to him. "Why did you do that? You really hurt that trainer back there! That was so unlike you!"

"No one can say such things to you," N muttered darkly. "You belong to me, and I will not stand such disrespect from worthless trainers."

Rubbing his head, Black sighed. "That's... well I'm touched by your sentiment, but you can't just act so violently like that! You have to understand where he's coming from, even though he was being a dick about it."

N faltered. "He was being a... dick?"

Black grimaced. "I mean... he was being rude."

Dismissing the crass term he did not understand, N continued to sulk. "You're a Hero, Black. You saved my life and you stopped me from making a terrible mistake. You deserve respect for that." He paused for a moment. "Am I hindrance to you? Is it my fault?"

"No!" Black took him by the shoulders and made sure their eyes were locked together. "I don't care what other people think. We'll show them who you really are. They'll understand eventually what a kind and pure-hearted person you are. Don't let this bother you in the slightest."

"But..."

Black kissed him quiet. "I love you, N. No one else matters but the two of us."

N slowly relaxed and nodded. "Yes... Just us..."

Before standing up, Black wrapped his arms around the older boy in one final comforting gesture. He hugged N tightly in hope that this was just a one-time occurrence. Just more time, more time to heal him, and this would all be over. A large part of him was convinced that it would be all he needed.

Another part questioned.


	15. Chapter 15

**LOOK WHO'S BACK, BABY!**

The story takes quite an interesting turn after this one, so prepare yourselves!

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><p>At last they left the caves, finding that the sun was already setting. Deciding that it would be best to camp out rather than burst in on Alder at this late hour, Black and N set up their tent for the night. They ate dinner quietly, both lost in their own thoughts, but the silence was peaceful.<p>

As they laid down together, N taking his usual place nestled against Black's chest, the younger of the two spoke up, his mind not yet calm enough to sleep.

"There's something I've been wondering about for a long time, now."

N was also wide awake. "What is it?"

"What would you have done if you had won the battle back then? Making another world for pokemon... would you have lived there with them?"

Black felt N's fingers curl in his shirt. "No.. I am human. It is all I can ever be, no matter how much power Reshiram can give me. I could only stay in this world, as Team Plasma's king."

Having suspected that sad outcome, Black felt his admiration for N's selflessness grow yet again. Stroking the other's soft hair, he pulled N a bit closer. "That's very brave of you. To give up all your friends, practically your family, for their sakes."

Black almost did not hear N's whisper. "I had hoped that you would ease my loneliness."

"What?"

N pressed his cheek into Black's shoulder, his voice carrying an emotion the other boy was not sure he could decipher. "I would have made you mine."

The younger boy furrowed his brow at the strange comment, still unsure of whether or not he heard correctly. The sexual connotation of it was... slightly disturbing, if not puzzling. When N looked up and saw Black's expression mixed with his silence, he elaborated.

"If I were king, downtime would be very precious to me, and... the thought of spending it alone, especially since my pokemon friends would be gone, seemed scary to me. You seemed so nice... I thought you'd make a good playmate."

Black's face noticeably relaxed once he realized the context. He could never be sure with N, really; his knowledge base was vast, but his ability to pick up social cues and colloquials was lacking. There was almost a loss of translation between the two, having to constantly explain things to one another.

"Well, N," Black replied, now smiling slightly, "I'm flattered you would find me suitable for such things. But it's a good thing that you didn't become king, because if you didn't know already, I'm not very good at playing!"

N giggled. "But we would have had the rest of our lives for you to get better at it with me. ...And we still do, even with things the way they are, right?"

"I'm willing to keep trying, if it makes you so happy."

Nodding, N's eyes grew distant and thoughtful again as he reached up to run his fingers through Black's hair affectionately. "I do wish it could be more like that, though. Where it's just the two of us. I want to be the only person in your life, Black."

The brunette bit his lip, but tried not to let his concern show too much. "It'll get easier, being around other people. You'll make friends, friends we can share, and you'll see that it's ok. Just because you're not the only person in my life doesn't mean you're any less important than y-"

Black stopped midsentence when he felt two hands grab the front of his shirt and roll him over on top of the other's body. He opened his mouth to speak, but lips crashed almost violently against his own, nipping and pursing as if after his very breath. He was too startled to even remember to reciprocate.

N moaned and wrapped his legs around Black's waist, urgently pressing a growing arousal into the boy's hip. He whined when Black pulled away and pressed his shoulders back into the sleeping bag, keeping him there.

"Wh-what..." Black panted, unable to string words together. Furthering his bewilderment, N looked let down.

"You don't want me?"

"I... that's not..." Leaning down to rest his forehead against N's, Black sighed heavily. "You've been acting strange lately. Are you sure you're not trying to avoid something?"

"Avoid?" N lazily moved his hands up into Black's shirt and began tracing patterns on his skin.

Shivering at the touch, Black tried to concentrate. "I don't know, you just... you're very eager to do these things lately."

"Is that wrong?"

"Well... no... I'm just worried. This is what you want, right? You're not just trying to please me or something?"

N gazed at him for a while, his expression unreadable. At long last he smiled and pulled Black down into a tender embrace. "I can't get enough of your kindness," he admitted quietly. "Your touch, your love... I want it. Now that I know what it feels like to be someone who is loved, I... I crave this feeling, Black."

Black sighed with relief; the last thing he wanted was for N to feel obligated to anything. He smiled at the green-haired boy, and that must have been taken as a sign of consent. Black suddenly felt his shirt grabbed and yanked over his head as N rolled on top of him and straddled his waist. The smaller boy was taken slightly off guard, but complied. After quickly removing his own top, the older one tossed both of their garments to the side and returned to his place against Black's lips.

Sighing into N's mouth, Black let his hands wander the other's soft skin before curling into long, green tresses. Usually N was sensitive about how his hair was handled, but now he moaned heatedly and pressed closer, grinding his hips down against Black's.

Coming up for air, N shifted his teeth and tongue's attention to his lover's neck, sucking and nibbling and making Black arch up with a pleased gasp. Untangling the other's hands from his hair, N guided them down to his pants, but pushed the clothing off his hips himself before Black could even think to help, only able to feel the action beneath his palms.

As N's erection was freed, Black's hand quickly went to work. He jerked him slowly and with finesse, twisting his wrist as he ran his palm down his lover's cock. N's pleasured moan came out as a whine as he felt skin grace over the sensitive ridge of his shaft. He began thrusting into Black's hand unconsciously.

"Mmm... Black..." he cried as his face flushed. "I need you inside me... _now_...!"

Groaning as N's fevered voice sent raw need coursing through him, Black grabbed the other's hips and tried to position them accurately. Just as his addled mind realized that they had done nothing to prepare, he pushed N down onto himself.

The green-haired boy did not seem to mind much at all, though, his head tossing back with a loud gasp, and eagerly he aided Black in going farther in.

"N, are you o-" Black's concern was lost in his slight terror as he watched N move quickly, his moans loud and heavy in what sounded like both pain and pleasure. The younger boy was unable to concentrate on the sensation now; the strange expression on the other's face was too alarming.

When Black noticed he was crying, he had to protest.

"N, stop! What are you-"

"Shut up!" the green-haired boy interrupted, glaring down through a sheen of unfallen tears. His hands that rested upon Black's shoulders were now curling, dragging nails sharply against flesh and breaking the skin.

"That hurts, N! Stop!" But his shouts fell on deaf ears as N continued bouncing on top of him, staring straight into the other's eyes with a pained, yet somehow angry, grimace.

"It doesn't matter if it hurts!" he cried. "This is the only way to show that we love each other!"

"What?" Black stared up at his lover in dismay. He opened his mouth to protest that insane logic, but N leaned down and kissed him with the same frantic passion. Black felt tears drip onto his cheeks and lifted his hands up to N's face, torn between pushing him away so they could stop and talk this through, and just trying to comfort him.

Pain once more overtook his shoulder as N's nails embedded into them. Black tried to bear it and flash a smile to assure him things were alright, but the older boy's eyes were now glued shut in a wince. One more jolt of pain and then trembling from the other's limbs. N was getting tired.

The green haired boy suddenly stopped, and Black felt a heavy weight on his chest. N was panting quickly, eyes now half-lidded as he struggled for breath. Before the younger could wrap his hands around him in comfort, N pushed himself off his chest and rolled onto his side. His sniffles filled the tent as he struggled to regulate his breathing.

"N, what's _wrong_?" Black pleaded, still dumbfounded by the entire situation. It had begun so suddenly, and then...

"Leave me alone," came his response, sounding like it was laced with anger much more than sorrow. Black reached out his arm.

"N, I want to-"

"_Don't touch me!_" The brunette quickly pulled back as if he had touched a hot surface. This would never do.

Sighing, Black turned over onto his side in the direction opposite of N. This whole night was a blur of confusing emotions, and it made him question their relationship once more. What Cheren had said earlier rang in his mind as he tried to keep his composure. Struggling, the boy shut his eyes in a meager attempt at falling asleep.

_Can someone as mild-mannered as you really be able to control someone as recklessly passionate as him?_


	16. Chapter 16

Ginny wrote like 95% of this chapter because Girrrrl has felt uninspired. Go yell at her to get her act together, haha! (just kidding don't to that, but maybe wish her well~?)

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><p>Black woke up to the bright glare of the sun shining through the side of their tent. He stirred slowly, sitting up to find N still asleep to his side.<p>

The younger boy sighed. What exactly _had _happened last night? N had suddenly been so eager to have sex, and it didn't seem so foreign, until...

He shook his head as if it would wish away the memory. Never had the other been so violent towards him, towards _himself _even. As he looked down at N's sleeping form, Black could almost not believe that only hours beforehand, that peaceful face contorted in what could only be described as pained _rage_ over him.

As much as he wished to ignore it, Black decided to approach the older boy about it. Not until he awoke, of course. N was never in the best of spirits when he was interrupted from his sleep.

A buzz came from his jeans that had been discarded the night before. Black immediately grabbed his ringing xtransceiver, exiting the tent to take the call. It was Alder.

"Black!" the man greeted, smiling warmly in the device's small screen. "How is the training going? Feel like you've been making good progress?"

"Hi Alder," he replied, trying his best to return the gesture with his own. "It's been okay. Had a bit of trouble, but I think it will all be fine."

Alder gave an exaggeratedly curious look, easily picking up the boy's apprehension.

"Hmm, that doesn't sound like good progress. Is N still with you? How is he faring?"

Black pursed his lips as he struggled to come up with the correct response. He certainly couldn't tell him what happened last night, but he trusted the man well enough to tell him a fraction of the truth, at least.

"He's... still struggling to accept the whole battling thing. No big surprise, I guess. It's been kind of hard."

"Ahh, I see..." Alder stroked the end of his chin for a long moment. "Well, not much else to expect from a boy so concerned with 'pokemon liberation!' People don't change overnight!"

"Yeah..." Black's voice was slightly disappointed in tone, even as he fought to sound apathetic about it. A part of him felt guilty for being so disheartened about it, but he couldn't seem to help it. It _had _been a dream of his to one day become Champion, even if he felt slightly lost along the way. Alder's face became more serious as he realized the boy's true concern.

"I guess the best you can do is talk with him about it and hope he understands. Although, he seems rather hard-headed. But you know him better than I do, I suppose."

"N can be confusing sometimes... but yeah, I think I will do that. Thanks, Alder. I guess I'll see you within the next few days." The man's face suddenly lit up as he smiled once more.

"Ahh, I'd love that! Do drop on over! Cheren's here, too. He's been practicing his battle skills as well. You may have some tough competition!" Black chuckled.

"All right then, I'll have to stop by sooner. Good bye, Alder. Thanks for checking up on me." The off button was pressed and the screen went black.

"Confusing?"

Black nearly jumped as he heard the voice from behind him. He spun around to find N standing in the tent's entranceway, his face hard and puzzled.

"Ohh, g-good morning N!" Black greeted, unable to read his expression. "Did you sleep okay? Did you want some breakfast before we head out?"

"What's so confusing about me?" N asked with the same look, completely ignoring the questions.

"N, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that in a bad way... honestly, I was a little confused by the way you acted last n-"

"You hate me." Black flinched, his eyes wide, taken aback by the older boy's comment.

"W-Wait, what? I don't hate you at all, N! What makes you think that?"

"You didn't want to have sex with me last night."

"Of course I did, you just went... I don't know, crazy or something! Why did you suddenly get so violent last night? You've never acted that was before!"

"Don't you _dare _call me crazy!" N suddenly snapped. "I am the _king _of Team Plasma! I was going to rule the new world... I was _destined _to-"

"N, that was all a lie!" Black interrupted, starting to feel as though he was losing his temper. "Ghetsis _told _you it was a lie! How hard is that to understand? You were just a pawn in his stupid-"

"I DON'T CARE!" N screamed as tears began to fall from his eyes, stark against a face red with fury. "I don't care if he lied... pokemon still shouldn't be used as tools for your silly battles! What do you even get out of battling? You're so caught up in wanting to own some title that everyone will praise you for, but you don't even _care _about your pokemon getting hurt. That's _selfish_!"

Something about hearing N refer to him as "selfish" cracked a piece of Black's sanity. Of all things... the boy probably could've accepted any other insult and dismiss it as naivety. But as the word reached his ears, Black felt his vision go blurry for a moment of pure frustration, nothing but impatience and _rage_.

"'Selfish?'" the younger boy repeated. "You think I'm _selfish_? After every single thing that I've done for you... you have the nerve to call me _selfish_?"

Black ran a hand through his own hair, attempting to keep from blowing up, but the tension only rose when N tried to speak once more.

"You d-"

"_No, N_," Black shouted as he fought the urge to lash out, his voice so strong and harsh it hurt his own ears. "You don't have any right to call _me _selfish. I have essentially isolated myself from everyone I care about, fought and stood up for you, put myself in self-destructive situations... I _refused _to accept advice that I knew deep down was perfectly logical, all so I could try to remain close to you. I've tried _everything _to keep you safe and feeling secure. So don't you even _dare_ call me selfish! The only one who is selfish is _you_!"

N's mouth fell open in indignant shock. "Is that how you really feel? You think I'm just a selfish burden? Forgive me for interrupting your _social life_, Black! I seemed to have foolishly believed that lovers are supposed to belong only to each other! What do you even want from me if all I do is drag you down? I thought I meant more to you than just... something to _fuck_...!"

The green haired boy's tears seem to fall faster, his heart torn between his feelings for Black and those long-engrained morals he still held true. His frustration had suddenly turned to sorrow as he realized just how much the other's words ripped at him.

"You... you are no different than..." His head turned as his voice lowered. "Daddy..."

"_What?_" Black bellowed, not even caring that N was nearly sobbing. His mind was now a haze of utter fury, sickened by the fact that the other boy would even consider such a thing. "Don't you _ever _fucking compare me to that... that sick _bastard_! How _could_ you, N? How fucking _could _you? Has everything I done mean _nothing_ to you?"

Suddenly, Black felt as though his knees were made of lead, and he could only sink down and cry. The way they spoke to each other... the apparent desire to hurt the other in both of their words... this wasn't _right_. But when he heard N call him "selfish," that feeling of unappreciation set him over the edge.

"N..." he said softly, his voice such a contrast to the yells just moments before. "N, do you... do you honestly think that about me...?"

N glared daggers at him, not a hint of remorse in his twisted face. The tears were still beading down his flushed cheeks, still looking so out of place against his angry stare. Without a word he turned and walked towards the entrance of the forest.

"I never should have come with you," the older boy said solemnly with his backed turned. "I never should have trusted anyone. Daddy might have lied, but... he was right. I'm warped and defective. I have no heart, either, and... that makes me incapable of being loved."

"No, N, stop, wait!" Black cried as he rose to his feet, stumbling to walk as his legs still struggled to hold him. "N, how could you _say _that, that's not-"

Suddenly, he heard a terrified shriek, and Black looked up in a panic. N was on the ground, propped up on his elbows, his eyes locked with a shadowed figure that stood in the shade of the trees. The younger boy's blood ran cold as the person stepped forward and into the light of the sun.

It was Ghetsis.


	17. Chapter 17

Sorry this chapter is kind of short, but we thought it would be a good place to stop to torture you poor readers some more!

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><p>"Ghetsis!" Black screeched as he instinctually lunged forward, his hands grasping at the pokeballs at his waist before feeling a heavy weight pull him back. Two of the Shadow Triad had appeared seemingly out of nowhere and grasped him by his arms. The boy squirmed and kicked to little avail, unable to react.<p>

"I've been watching you two for a long time," the man said smoothly, keeping a watchful eye on the body below him. N was shaking almost violently as he gazed up at the man who had caused him so much anguish, so much torment and pain. "It's nice to finally speak to you once more."

"Stay the hell away from him!" Black bellowed, continuing to fight against his captors. All that ran through his mind was the thought of protecting the cowering boy who laid so helplessly on the ground.

"Y-You..." N managed to choke out, his legs refusing to move as much as his brain told him to run. To fight back. To _scream_.

"You've lost weight. It's concerning. Are you ill? Have you been eating proper-"

"You _lied _to me!" he shouted, interrupting the man as he felt a bolt of courage jolt through him, managing to shift his weight forward as his fists now shook at his sides. Ghetsis only paused and sneered at the boy's display of disrespect.

"No, I did not lie to you," he replied as his feet started to move, pacing slowly as he spoke. "Misled you, misused you, perhaps, but never lied. What is a lie, but the opposite of the truth? You hold those ideas very dear to your heart; they are _your _truth. I simply took advantage of it to further my own ideas."

Wincing, N turned his head away. "I didn't know."

Ghetsis smirked. "That was the whole point."

"You turned me into a monster!"

"You were never meant to be anything less."

N opened his mouth to protest, but nothing came out, and he went back to watching his father's feet move back and forth across the ground. After a few moments he tried again, his voice soft and pleading. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Come with me," Ghetsis replied simply. "Back where you belong. You were never made to live in the outside world. That should have been made obvious to you by now."

"No, N!" Black shouted once more, losing his strength in his struggles. "Please, you can't _possibly_-"

"Shut him up," the sage commanded. A third man dressed in black approached him with a thick sash, balling it up and forcing it into his mouth before tying another around it. The brown-haired boy continued to scream against his restraint with no avail.

"You are not like other humans, N. People fear what they don't understand and reject what they fear. This boy here was drawn to you because he wanted to understand, and as such he was rejected as well. Is that what you want? To outcast him, just as you are? If you cared at all about him, you'd realize how selfish that would be."

N had nothing to say to that. He watched Black struggle and shake his head violently, trying to express that Ghetsis was wrong, that he was lying again...

But the former prince knew better. The idea of selfishness was new to him, but all he needed was the thought that when you cared about someone, you put them first. Since the beginning he had dragged Black into his dangerous affairs, not thinking for a moment about the boy's feelings about it. It just never crossed his mind.

_It's because you'll never understand humans. Isn't that obvious?_

"You're right," N said sadly. He turned his head to face the trainer he had harmed so deeply. "I'm sorry, Black. I was being ignorant."

A tear fell down Black's flustered face, exhausted and frustrated and tired of feeling helpless. But despite the display of emotion from the normally stoic boy, N's expression did not change. All that was there now was shame.

"I hate you," the green-haired boy cried as he turned back to his father. "You... you _broke _me...! I'll never understand how to interact with people, what to say, what not to say... how to make them not reject me, or judge me, or hurt each other... I can't exist in this world like this...! I don't _belong _here, and it's all because of _you_...!"

"Then come back to where you _do_ belong. Back to what is familiar to you, away from all this pain and confusion. Lift society, and this _boy_, of your burden. It is what's best for everyone, N."

Black closed his eyes as regret washed over him. This was all his fault. He had failed N and now N would pay for it. Worst of all was that Ghetsis had been right about far too much. Taking care of N was difficult, and only growing more so, but it was a task he should have been able to handle. He loved N, didn't he? You ought to at least take care of the person you love, even if it's hard. But instead, he had...

The sage reached his hand down towards his son, offering him assistance off the ground. He smiled, as sincere as he could manage, as N hesitated.

_Lift society of your burden. Lift Black of your burden. Go back to the only place you were ever meant to be, back to the only thing you deserve..._

A trembling hand outstretched to meet Ghetsis's, and Black could only scream against his binds.

A pokeball was dropped from the older man's belt and his hydreigon shrieked, flapping its wiry wings with great force. N felt himself yanked onto the back of the beast that had horrified him well into his teens; it possessed a darkness the boy sensed clearly. Without a word, the dragon took off from the ground, flying high above the trees in little time.

He barely had time to watch Black fall to his knees as he was released. He could not see his face as the younger trainer began to sob. In mere seconds, all N could see were clouds passing rapidly below him.

_It is what's best for everyone._


	18. Chapter 18

WE'RE BACK! DID YOU MISS US? I told you this story wasn't dead!

**WARNING:** This chapter contains rape! It's not until the end though, so if you're squeamish about that, just be aware. It's pretty obvious when it's going to happen, but yeah. This chapter is angsty as hell... and it was posted on Father's Day! Coincidence? I THINK NOT!

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><p>The large dragon landed gracefully at the foot of the stairs that lead into the old castle; by now, the police tape had been cleared. N followed his father closely as he kept his eyes at his feet. Small plants and sprigs of grass grew out of the cracks of the once proud and towering staircase. Nature had slowly begun consuming the building and created an eerie feel to the once noble testament to Team Plasma's rule.<p>

As they walked through the hallway, it was apparent to N that the castle was being cleaned inside. He recalled months ago when Black and he set foot down the same hallway, where cobwebs and tattered furniture littered the space. While not of the same caliber as it once was, things were certainly cleaner. He briefly wondered if Ghetsis's followers had returned to assist him in whatever he was planning.

"Don't expect me to roll over and take your mistreatment again, Ghetsis," N scorned as he flashed his father a defiant glare. The older man chuckled, oddly humored by the boy's sudden haughty tone.

"Quite the rebellious statement coming from a timid child," he replied. "What ever has gotten into you, hmm?"

"I know what you did to me was wrong. Team Plasma wasn't the only thing you lied about." The boy's eyes focused downwards as he recalled what Black had told him. Just the thought of the conversation gave him a sick feeling in his stomach.

"I simply did what was necessary. You were my subordinate before you were crowned." Ghetsis sighed before placing a hand under the former prince's chin, diverting his gaze from the floor. "What use you were to me was little of your con-"

"Don't touch me!" N screeched before smacking his father's hand away. "You-"

The boy's sentence was cut short when the Ghetsis's hand returned, grabbing him by the front of his shirt and throwing him into the table that sat closeby. Before N was able to collect himself from his daze, he was grasped tightly by his scalp, his cheek shoved harshly onto the wooden surface. Suddenly the boy felt trapped, and his mind began to race as he struggled to fight his urge to run or plead.

"You seem to have forgotten what your role is, N," the man seethed, enraged by the threatening gesture. "I created you, I sculpted you into perfection, and you made the foolish mistake of ruining my meticulous and carefully-executed plans."

"Get off me!" The child's voice was strained and fierce, but Ghetsis could detect the hint of terror in his voice. He had become well-learned of such things.

"Silence!" The sage grinded his face once more into the table and N felt his skin bruise against his cheekbone. "Your only purpose in life was to obey me, how could you possibly fail even _that_?"

"That is not my only purpose!" N protested.

"Then what is it? Nothing! You would be nothing were it not for me. And you were never meant for anything else!"

"That's not true..."

Ghetsis snorted. "Still lost in fairytales? How could such little time in the outside world ruin you so? I wonder how long it will take to correct this." N shuddered as the man's words turned icy.

"Let's get started, shall we?" Ghetsis grinned and reached into his robes, pulling out a riding crop. Sliding it briefly between N's thighs, he chuckled at how quickly the boy whimpered in recognition. "There's so much to catch up on."

"N-No, don't touch me!" the boy's voice stammered as he struggled to remain stoic. But he could only hold up his brave front for so long.

Sliding up N's shirt a bit, Ghetsis admired the pale skin of his son's bony back before bringing the leather and metal down sharply, striking a violent red line across spine and ribs.

N yelped and tried to curl into himself as much as possible, but was otherwise too frozen to defend himself.

"That's right, just hold still," Ghetsis snarled, crisscrossing more and more long bruises until N was sobbing and shaking and having to hold onto the wood beneath him just to keep off the floor. The sage stepped back for a moment and admired the sight before him.

"Yes, you put up quite the front, didn't you?" he commented as he watched a trickle of blood slowly stain one of the legs of his pants. "Acting so defiant and proud, yet you lay and take your punishments like you always did. It's because you know deserve them, isn't it?"

N shut his eyes tightly, trying to ignore the taunts of his father. The pain along his back was so familiar, bringing those memories of the torture he had endured during his life. Had he really willingly come back to this?

_It's... for Black's sake... _he weakly assured himself. If he could convince himself of this, perhaps he could grow numb to the abuse once more. The logical side of him knew this was the best way to deal with things.

Another side of him hated the thought of returning to that helpless shell of a person he once was.

"I don't deserve any of this..." N struggled to say as his trembling arms attempted to push him off the table. The welts opened and oozed. "Black told me... he told me the truth about what _you_ told me was love. You were just using me. That's not how people show that they love each other!"

"Is that what he told you?" Ghetsis cooed as he nonchalantly wiped blood off the end of his crop. "Told you what you wanted to hear so you'd spread your legs wide for him. It worked well enough, it seems. It isn't difficult to manipulate a mind as warped as yours."

"Don't say that about Black!" he screamed, reaching out and grasping the instrument his father held in his hands. Ghetsis's eyes widened at the aggressive gesture, yanking it from him swiftly before swinging the bound leather with all his strength. The crop struck N hard across his face as he felt a burst of blood accompany the pain, a split lip sending a trickle of metallic liquid into his mouth and off his chin. His son toppled to the floor when a foot crashed into his wounded back. The half-clothed body writhed in pain as it hit the floor.

"I've had _enough _of your insolence." The sage's voice was venomous, spoken through teeth grit hard enough to crack. "If you want to continue to act like a defiant child, I would be more than happy to treat you like one. But I will _not _tolerate such disrespect. Unless you want to have the life choked out of you, I suggest you learn to accept your failure and keep your mouth _shut_."

N whimpered deep in his throat as he tenderly felt his face, his fingers coming away bloody. A part of him was screaming, shocked and horrified by his own behavior, that he would act out against his father in such a way. Another part felt a brief satisfaction, to gain even that much footing, bolstered by the intense emotions Black's name ignited in him. Laying limp on the floor, N clenched his aching jaw against the tears in his eyes and wondered why he was fighting. There was no one there for him to be strong for anymore.

"You asked me to come back to the only placed where I belonged," he said softly after wiping his mouth. "That was... when I was surrounded by my friends, in my room, away from the rest of the world and you and your sick lies. Unless you take me there... I'll never submit to you."

Ghetsis stared blankly at his son, doubting his own ears. How could it be that _so quickly_ all his years of effort had been unraveled like string? His perfect puppet, every nuance of the child's character carefully crafted by his own hands, undone in the arms of a simple brat. It was unimaginable. It was... _infuriating_.

"'Sick lies?'" the man mimicked as he grasped onto the back of the boy's head, weaving his fingers through unruly hair. As he pulled him to his feet, N struggled wildly as he clawed and kicked to little avail. Ghetsis began dragging the resisting boy towards the door, down a tattered and ruined hallway. "As if that little fantasy world _wasn't _a lie, you insolent wretch. How _dare _you think you can put up this miserable stoic front and think that I will bend to your whims."

N's new-found apathy was quickly diminished when he heard a weight make contact with a creaking door and his body was thrown onto a dirtied carpet. A quick glance was all that was needed to notice the soft clouds faintly visible against dull blue. It was the room Black and he had broken into months before.

It was his bedroom.

"Do you see, N?" his father bellowed, his voice sounding so harsh and grating in the otherwise silent room. "You see what is left of the place you so _fondly _belong?"

The young man struggled to sit up as he examined his childhood bedroom. He vaguely recalled causing disarray that time he visited with Black, but... the previously bright walls were now defaced with slanderous graffiti and torn paper, the floors dirty with dust. A crumpled pile of tinder was all that remained of his halfpipe, charred from what he could only suspect was arson. His toys were gone, sans one lone plastic train cracked in the corner.

"But..." N's voice was soft, concerned, nearly choked out as he felt emotion swell in him. "But why would someone _do _this...?"

"People flocked here just because they knew it was a testament to your so-called 'legacy.' They flocked here to desecrate the very symbol of what you stood for... no, the symbol of your pitiful _existence_."

N felt a sinking coldness inside him. "Have I really... wronged people so much? Did my honest intentions mean anything to anyone?"

When his father did not reply, the boy felt frustration swell in him, and tears started falling from his eyes as he shook. That secure feeling that Black's reassurance and care helped build up so meticulously felt as though it was crumbling, like he was being thrown back into the familiar void of helplessness.

But where else could he turn to now?

"That's not _fair_!" he screamed, unable to accept the pain of reality. N clamped his eyes shut in a vain attempt to keep himself from sobbing as he bent down and laid his forehead against the dirtied carpet. "I can't help who I am! I tried really hard to understand people, I really did...! Doesn't that mean anything?"

Suddenly, N felt a heavy weight against the back of his head as he was pressed firmly into the floor. His body was frozen in fear as his mind panicked, the commonplace feelings from his childhood rushing back full-force.

"You wanted to return to what was so familiar to you," his father reflected. "So tell me... did you truly miss this feeling that much?"

The only response the boy could muster was panic.

It was happening again, just like it did hundreds of times over the years in his sleep, the nightmares that kept him awake for days. He felt his limbs freeze in terror as Ghetsis sneered with triumph, seeing plainly the effect his words had.

As though trapped in mud, his movements were slow as he shook his head in meek denial. He cringed back when the man reached for him, but the fingers latching onto his hair were faster, and the next moment he was shoved face-down onto the floor, feeling another hand begin to tug at his clothes.

"No..." he whimpered, trying to get his legs beneath him. "No..!"

"Be quiet," Ghetsis commanded shortly. "I've had enough of your childish petulance."

_Just give up_, said a voice in his head. _There's no point in fighting when you know you can't win. Give in like all the times before. _It would be so much easier to just lay there and take it like he always had, to lock away his feelings. But the tiny flame of defiance would not be put out.

"NO!" With a sudden shout, he heaved his whole body up and rolled away when Ghetsis was unbalanced. N climbed to his feet and was about to make a run for the door when a sharp pain across the backs of his legs sent him crashing down again.

Tossing aside the crop he had grabbed, Ghetsis knelt down beside his son and pinned him down with a heavy knee on the center of his back. "You continue to try my patience," he growled. "Now accept the fate you have chosen for yourself. You belong to me once more."

"I don't _want_ to belong to you," N hissed, the weight against his back tearing at the wounds that intersected his back. The man's knee ground into him in response to the snide comment, and the boy could only writhe and cry out.

"You _always_ belonged to me," N heard above him as his pants were yanked off him, the chilled air biting at his skin. The words struck him deep enough to paralyze him. For a brief moment, he felt nothing.

"You always have, and you always will."

N was given no time to prepare as his father moved into him, tearing through resistant muscle with violent force. A sharp scream escaped from his mouth but was quickly silenced by a large hand, cupping him so tight he could not breathe.

"No," Ghetsis condemned as he began to thrust into him. "Your defiance does not warrant you even a gasp of breath. Now take what you deserve, fallen _king_."

A roar of white noise filled N's mind as it was starved of sufficient oxygen and accosted by the agony shooting up his spine. The weight of his father trapped him completely, helpless panic raced through his blood. Just as he felt the sweet release of unconsciousness begin to drag him down, the hand over his face vanished, and his frantic lungs dragged in enough air to pull him right back.

Gasping raggedly, N pressed his face to the cool surface of the floor and gritted his teeth against the pain, the humiliation, the anger. He did not want to be a tool, an object meant to be used and discarded like a pokemon in the hands of a wicked trainer. But still the guilt gnawed at him, telling him Ghetsis was right. He did deserve this, but not because of his disobedience.

_You deserve this because you came back to it._

Digging his fingernails into the palms of his hands until they broke the skin, N wept and hoped that Black never forgave him for leaving. Somehow, thinking he was no longer wanted made this fate he had chosen for himself more bearable.

Even if his father's love was driven by cruelty and hatred... it was all he ever fully understood. And N feared what he did not understand more than anything else in the world.


	19. Chapter 19

WHY HELLO THERE LOVELY GUARDED READERS! I FINALLY updated this story after nearly 2 years! It's only Ginny writing for now, as Girrrl has taken a long break from the internet. This chapter is relatively short, but do not worry... I have _plenty _planned for future chapters.

Please review if you don't mind! Your reviews give me motivation!

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><p>Overwhelming thoughts ran through Black's head as he lay on the ground sobbing, a mixture of terror and fear and guilt washing over him all at once. It had all happened so fast... a hurtful argument somehow turned uglier than he could have imagined. N had been stolen from him so easily by his twisted father right in front of his eyes.<p>

_No_, he realized through a throbbing headache. He was not stolen from him. N had gone willingly, putting up little to no resistance to Ghetsis's request. It was all Black's fault. _He _was the one that proved Ghetsis was right. If only he had been more patient, more understanding, more in control of his temper, N would have felt loved and secure. Instead, Black pushed him away with his big, arrogant mouth. How could he have _expected_ N to react to being called crazy and selfish? Stupid, stupid, _stupid_...

Black felt broken. He didn't know what to do, where to go. He doubted he had the willpower to even move his legs. All he could feel was utter self-hatred.

The boy let himself flop onto his side, trying to take solace in the soft bristles of grass that tickled his cheek. It was hardly a comfort. After a long silence, Black lost the will and energy to cry any longer. His fingers pressed idly at his xtransceiver until he heard a familiar voice.

"Yeah?" Cheren asked over the device. Black did not look at the screen.

"Please come get me," he replied flatly. His voice held little emotion.

"Black? Are you all right?"

"Near the entrance to Victory. Please, Cheren."

"Black, what-"

The end button was pressed before his friend had time to finish his response. He probably worried Cheren with such a dramatic call. _God_, the least he could've done was mustered up the strength to tell him he was alright. What a despicable person he was, causing his closest companions such grief and pain.

There was no more will or energy left in his body. After all that had happened in such a short time, after the copious amount of cries and tears that seemed to sap the very life out of him, he was suddenly very tired. With a final sigh, Black closed his eyes and fell into a fitful sleep.

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><p>Black awoke in a familiar bed being shaken by his shoulder. His eyes shot open as he looked around the room, recognizing it as one of Alder's guest rooms. Immediately, he sat up.<p>

"You're awake," Cheren said, seated next to him on a chair. Both his legs and arms were crossed tightly in an impatient posture. "Care to tell us what happened? And what happened to N?"

_N_. Black's eyes hazed over merely at the sound of his name.

"You gave us quite the scare, boy!" Alder called out from the entrance to the room. "You were out cold when we found you. Wouldn't wake up. We considered taking you to the hospital."

"N is gone," Black stated, ignoring Alder's statements. "Ghetsis came, and... N left with him."

"What?!" Alder's eyes widened. "Ghetsis is alive?!"

"He said he had been watching us for a while now..."

"I'm surprised he'd have the gall to show his face again, considering he is a wanted man."

"It's all my fault." Black covered his face with his hands, shielding the other two from seeing his tears. "I got in an argument with N, and Ghetsis came, and... if I hadn't been so selfish, I could've stopped it from ever happening. Now N is with Ghetsis... god _knows_ what may have happened to him... and it's all because of me...!"

Cheren chewed on his bottom lip as he heard Black begin to sob. Alder, too, was silent. Both had expected something like this to happen, had even reached out to him to express their concerns. But neither had expected such a crippling reaction from their dear friend. Cheren especially felt sorrow hearing Black being so self-accusatory. But what could they possibly say to comfort him?

"I quit trying for the title of Champion," Black mumbled. "I quit being a trainer. I quit everything. I'm useless. N would rather go back to his father than to ever spend another moment with me. I'm lower in his eyes than his bastard of a father. N is n-"

"N is obviously _confused_," Cheren interrupted. "Seriously, Black, think for a second. You _know _N was mentally unstable. He isn't always capable of rational decisions."

"Don't say that about him!"

"Stop denying it and _listen!_" Cheren's furrowed expression was stern but not malicious. "You told be before that you'd be willing to do whatever it takes to make him happy. I doubted you back then, I really did. I thought it was a lost cause. But I've seen how much he has changed over these past few months, and I realize how dedicated you are to each other. There's no way all of that could be undone by some silly argument."

"And even so," Alder added, "the mental binds that man has over him are not easily broken. You remember what I told you a few months back? About his father? Those false philosophies and fantasies are deeply engrained. I'm sure you are aware of that. You just need to keep fighting against it, as hard as you can, like I know you are capable of. Are you going to let Ghetsis win this time around, or are you going to fight?"

Black remained quiet as their words sunk in. There was so much logic in what they were saying, but his self-loathing told him it would all be in vain.

"I just... don't have the energy to fight anything anymore."

"Black, listen to yourself!" Cheren stood up from his chair, tempted to grab his friend by the shirt collar. Instead, he crawled onto the bed, pulled Black's hands from his face and stared deeply into his eyes. As much as he didn't care for N, he knew he had to do this for Black. "You don't have the energy to fight for _N_? After fighting with me, fighting with Alder, fighting with _all _of N's demons, you seriously have no more energy to just go and _talk to him_? You're giving up on him that easily?"

"It's not a matter of talking to him, it's also Ghet-"

"You've beaten his ass before," Alder said with a hearty chuckle. "What is the worst that old man could do to you?

Black didn't want to say the things he knew Ghetsis was capable of. He figured the question was rhetorical. Still, it made him ponder. The worst Ghetsis could do to him? Maim him, torture him, _kill _him... all very real options in Black's mind.

But honestly... would that be any worse than a pitifully lonely life without N?

The brunette sighed heavily. The fog of depression clouding his reasoning seemed to be clearing up now. He felt his willpower slowly return.

"All right," Black said after a brief pause. "I owe it to him. I'll get him back, whatever the cost."

Cheren and Alder smiled as if victorious.


	20. Chapter 20

N lay quietly on the floor of his childhood bedroom, in a slight daze despite the distracting flickering of an old light bulb. It was completely silent. Silence terrified him; it made him feel completely alone, the way he felt for years as a child when his pokemon friends weren't present. Solidarity seemed to make his mind flutter and wander, often into bad memories and paranoid delusions.

He forced himself to think of Black, to think of all the wonderful things he had experienced under his guidance and care. Those memories were surprisingly comforting to him. It had been a quicker process than he had expected, mourning the life he left behind. N had forced himself to accept it. He deserved it, after all. Born into the world under the premise of being raised into a heartless monster. It was his destiny, he assured himself. Black's love had been but a nice occurrence on the route of his doomed life. How foolish it was to think N would ever be capable of understanding love.

N hoped Black would find someone else to love, someone who could reciprocate it the way he deserved.

What use was he here? Did his father have plans for him? Surely there was a reason the man wanted him to return. N could only hope it wasn't just for... _that_. He sometimes heard the shuffling of feet in the hallway that didn't belong to his father, most likely grunts or scientists passing by. Ghetsis had something up his sleeve. Perhaps N was part of a new equation formulating in the sage's mind, most likely sinister. N cared little anymore about human's view of "right and wrong." It had only caused him anguish in the past. Whatever role his father needed him to fulfill, he would do so without questioning. It wasn't worth the pain continuing to fight with him.

Slowly pushing himself off the floor, N rose to his feet. A terrible pain radiated across his body from his earlier assault, his legs trembling and his back searing from his wounds. He dragged himself across the room to his childhood dresser that had been turned on its side. Thankfully, there were still some of his old clothing left in one of the drawers.

He meticulously removed his outer shirt and then pulled his turtleneck over his head, wincing at the feeling of cotton rubbing against his welts. N found a clean black turtleneck folded amongst some of his clothing from when he was still a boy. The feeling of a new shirt made him feel slightly less dirty despite the dried blood and sweat that still stuck to his skin.

N dug into his pockets before attempting to remove them, making sure he hadn't left anything inside. To his surprise, he found the folded up photo of his mother as a child. His eyes widened in wonder as he stared.

"N," his father's voice boomed across the room at the doorway. Quickly, N squeezed the photo into his palm and lowered his arm. He heard footsteps approach him, but he did not turn around.

"Yes, father?"

"I demand that you make eye contact with me when I speak to you." N bit back a sigh and turned towards his father, who stood a few feet away.

"Yes, father." The boy forced himself to meet his father's eyes, trying not to look too fearful. He'd prey on it, he was sure of it.

"You are to remain here in your room at all times unless I summon you for one reason or another. Do you understand?"

N's eyes began to wander as he looked at the condition of his bedroom. Nervously, he brought a hand to his opposite shoulder as if holding himself.

"Yes, but..." He paused for a brief moment, trying to calculate the best response. "Will my room be repaired from its current state?"

Ghetsis frowned.

"Not until you are worthy of it," he replied. "You will have to earn that right."

N's palms clenched together unconsciously as he heard his father speak. The paper within in his palm rustled noisily. Ghetsis's eyes dropped down and N's body stiffened immediately.

"What is that in your hand?" he asked in a tone N could not decipher. The boy opened his palm and showed his father.

"It's a photo." He did not say who it was, hoping he would not probe much further if he did not recognize her. Instead, his eyes narrowed considerably.

"Where did you get that?" Ghetsis's voice was quieter, but no less stern. N looked down at the picture as he spoke.

"I... came back here a few months ago and visited mother's room. It made me feel really safe and warm when I looked at it, so I took it." He spoke quickly carefully, making sure not to mention Black's name. "I thought because the castle was in ruins, it wouldn't hurt anything if I took it, but I'm sorry if it-"

Ghetsis lifted his hand to silence his rambling son. The sage had hoped N had forgotton about his mother. After all, she died when he was a very young child. The thought that he had broken into her old bedroom even after being told explicitly not to years ago made his temper flare. She was supposed to be erradicated from his life altogether.

Still, there was little harm in giving the boy some small ounce of comfort with the photograph. His living conditions were squalid and his independence had been seized. N's life changed dramatically, and Ghetsis could not have the boy becoming too broken to function.

"Very well," is all he said as he turned towards the door.

"Father!" N called as Ghetsis began to leave. He anxiously ran his thumb over the photo as his voice softened. "What happened to mother?"

Ghetsis froze. He curled his lip in a snarl, though N could not see his face. _Curse the boy's curiosity._

"It is simply too painful for me to speak of," he managed calmly through gritted teeth, hoping N would no longer pry. Without waiting to hear a response, Ghetsis slammed the door so hard the door frame rattled.

The photograph rustled once more as N's hand shook, forlorn eyes staring longingly at the kind face frozen in time.

"Mother..." He sniffled as he felt tears welling up in his eyes. "What could have happened that would make you abandon me? Was is because I'm incapable of love...?"

The idea of death never crossed his mind. Instead, he could only assume the worst, and the object that once gave him hope had become another symbol of his failures.


End file.
